Valentine's Day

The first recorded association of Valentine's Day with romantic love is in Parlement of Foules (1382) by Geoffrey Chaucer Chaucer wrote:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

"For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."

Whenever this days comes, I am trying to avoid many queries about how and what am I doing to do. I guess I am not just a typical person who wants valentine to be some sorta like what others does. As for this day and the meaning of sharing love with the people you love. Somehow it is kinda not what I wanna explain nor what shall I do. I will be taking a major decision in life this year. Somehow yes it will affect some major changes but I guess happiness will only comes from within. From early December till end of January, I was highly infected with joy and love around me. The hype of being happy was there all the time. I guess no one is able to run away from the laws of physics. What goes up must come down. I would second that thought.

Call me a coward to run away from this. Yes, I think every decision I have taken from the beginning till now was right. Letting go and holding on. Yes I have let go something which meant to me, but I held on to something that I know will never happen. I guess this is call paying my dues. In the terms of past memories, I guess all these are just a form that I have to go through it. My heart is heavy. And my soul is tired. Too tired to feel I guess at this moment. And till the very end, the person I wanna hold on to will never be there for me to hold on to. Not because of whatever reasons but the reasons are unbearably painful yet nothing could change. I know that somehow this is for my good on his behalf. I know no matter what I do or say will never change anything at all. I will never ever understand anything that he had gone through in life. I guess this is what meant to be but not meant to be. How ironic that can be right? This part of my emotions will never be seen. I will have to make that change for the better of both of us.

In the time to come, I do not know what we will be, but I guess for the time being, you will never see what I see. But I am still happy with my own. Knowingly growing old with you is inevitable but just in a different way? I don't know. I know what I know now is I am going to miss you so damn much. But sometimes many things are not meant to be known. Sometimes, it has just have to go through this test. I know now how does it feel whenever it comes to that decision of having you around jumping up and down and knowing you are yet still very fond of getting hurt. I feel what you felt and I guess it is just time.

Having said that, you know I will always be there like I promise. No matter what, this is a decision that I have to make when time comes.

And to Mr D, Thank you for making me realise this part of me that I have neglected. Without you, I will never ever dare to take this step. You are always as inspirational and loving. You are the best thing that had ever happen to me~

Love is great, love is selfless. Love is perfect with loving the imperfections. Love is kind and love is silence. Only the heart will feel and to deny or held it away is a regret we shall live till the very last breath we take. Love needs not the mind to decide, but just where your heart beats, I know mine does.