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Monday, February 20, 2012

A Reason

Everyone will have a reason for living. I know that this is a cause that we are fighting for every single day. Getting in and out of the hospital for me is like a daily thing I gotta face. Does it worth for me to living a half like this? Definitely I will say Yes! The reason is simple. I love life. Its a cause that worth me fighting for every breathe I live.

I wake up everyday next to an angel. Its beyond words I can describe. Every morning, all the great love I receive from all. Making sure I look at the mirror and say, "Good morning Eric, I love you!" I am going through this every day. I find that when I was fighting the dark side of myself, I would rather accept and find peace with him. I cried during that talk with Nell. I don't know why, I just felt like I was sorry to myself. I hated myself. I hated myself for how I look. I hated myself for not getting well. I hated and kept hated till all that I felt that point was just rage and wanted to hurt the world so bad cause it is all that I have in me.

But now, I am trying to accept myself day by day. Knowing everything will be fine. It is okay to be not okay. I am who I am. I was striving to be perfect but I neglected the fact no one will be. The more I try the less it works. I pushed myself over the edge.

It was really an eventful few days for me since I got back to KL. Someone I love is extremely sick. And another one went missing out of no where. But I know one is in good hands of the family member. Another one was just too tired and sleep too much! By the way, I forget to put this down. I am out of a phone to use at the moment. Don't ask me why. It is just too much for me to handle at the moment. I decided to pack up and heading to my own home. I just won't take in any more nonsense with what a "used to be friend" put me in. I think I had enough and I will just not tolerant any further. Too many of my vintage item gone missing and I think enough is enough. I am now in a position that I couldn't and I won't take any more reason from anything. I have to live my life on my own accord.

With all these nonsense that is going on, I really felt so bad for many around me. Thank you for tolerant my crazy. You guys are just awesome. And specially to you Mr D. I won't realize how important life could be if you weren't here. I know I had neglected what we had these few weeks. But deep down, I want you to know I still care and I still love you. I know you are really sick at this very moment. Please rest. If you needed anything, please reach out. I really hope you would even you might not. I will be there till the very end with you that is my promise. Be strong. And without you in my life, I will never know how to live it right. I really hope you will get well soon. My prayers are with you always.

I still remember some passerby in my life. He once told me this.
Just a little change a day. Everyday just one little small change. And everything will be right. 
I am taking everything now and I will not fight with myself any more. I will accept myself. For just a reason to live. I will love every part of me even those I hated. I know with all the support and love, I will manage.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~