Love At The End Of A Beginning

On Valentine's eve, bring so much memories back. And yet today mark a beginning of a new beginning for my brother - Ernie Hah and Jia Jia (Soon to be sister in law) I kinda melted knowing that my baby brother has this romantic side that non of us saw before. Especially the way my baby brother propose to her. It happen so fast and it was really something that I was truly happy for him.

Quote by Ernie Hah

If someone would ask me what a beautiful life means, I would lean my head on your shoulder, hold you close to me and answer with a smile, “Like this.”

 We were celebrating the news with such joy at one moment I forgotten the pain within me. Until my mother exchange that look with me. I avoided it like I didn't see it. Deep down mom knows that this somehow brings such painful memories in me with marriage. But at this moment, I guess no matter what pain I was in, I should just put it aside and rejoice the joy with my baby brother. But when now I am sitting here writing this post, I somehow felt a mothers pain. Knowing that what I really eager for in life that I could now not hold any more. She just wanted me happy. I am actually happy but how am I able to tell her?I had had that love that I always wanted. It just premature and ended with my own mistakes. I do not blame anyone and I guess it was time for me to let go of the past. Even at times like this, everyone knows how helpless and painful for me. But they treated me with love and care. They knew what I wanted. And my baby brother told me that he will never forgive me if I were not to be at his wedding. Again I wanted to hug him and say I wouldn't missed it in the world. I am not trying to be negative here. But that was the point that I always am hating to fight for. No one knew and no one will ever.

Even its valentine's eve tonight, the presents and things I have prepared for months will just stay still beside me as you were not here. I wish things would be different at one moment. But I know again I would be wishing too much. I decided this months ago and till the time is right, you will know what is wrap within. It will just be a memory that lingers for you. Even that point you may ask why and why but you will never know why.It will go to my grave with me.

Flew in this for you. A gift within a gift. It was suppose to be a bond . To mark the end of the beginning.

Lying here now on this bed feeling the vain pumping up in me. The pain wasn't as bad as it was when the medication flows in me. Maybe it was just me accepted that it was just a moment that we were not meant to celebrate valentine. Knowing somehow now, you would be smiling on something that gives you warmth. Maybe I am just ignorant. But it is a bliss that you will never know. I give my all till the last breathe I will hold on. I know that the love is just something we shared and it will never be something others will feel but me and you. Till that moment is gone, we shall know once our heart beats at the same pace. Feeling each other with the minutes passing by me.Till the end of the beginning of another. Only you know what we shared.