Drugs

The beauty of this word that makes everyone see it as fear and destructions. This word is not a new thing in life for me. Since a very young age I was exposed to this "thing" that somehow gives me a mixed feeling towards it. As of today, I am thankful that they prescribe Morphine for me. I was able to sit at this bed to write about this.

At the early points in life. I was kinda naive when I was exposed to drugs. Starting with Heroin at my teen years. Being hooked and quitting. Going through rehab. The numbness in life, the pain in life, and the peace in life that it brings to me. I today here by admitting I am just stupid to do what I did. And yet years later, I was hooked on to meth and cocaine. I wasted a year doing thing I should not mess with. At that point thinking I was able to really control the effects. But what I didn't see was the after effects. Yes, at many points I blame myself for not able to see the light in life that I should have. But how many out there really realize how would it really fucked up ones life? Many still see it as recreational but the point of drugs are for medical purposes. The anxiety, the mind playing tricks to themselves, the after effect of it. It was not something that will just get out from the system with just sweating it out. It will still stay in our body system and kinda screw up that  pure body.

At times, I wonder being able to run away and finding that excuse to do that "thing". Will it really helps to permanently solve the problems you are feeling or having? The point being said is I am really sad to see what I have lost and the people I have lost with it. Our idols in life that having this problems. But why are we such hypocrite? Keep on finding that reason? Sometimes this reason of having the fear of this problem will not solve this issue. My question to you is how many more hearts that loves you that you intended to break? I have been there doing drugs even in the morning, during work, after work. It was like my everyday thing. Until now I see what it has cause me to lose. Even to the extend losing people I love with over-dosage, HIV, and many more.

I am not pointing fingers and blaming anyone for this. I wanna write this because I love all of you as much. I really do not wanna see you losing everything that dear to you. I do not wish to see you with a downfall that no one is able to understand. And here, I opening putting this statement. I have quit drugs and I am staying away from it. You have your own decision in life to use it or to abuse it. (even you may feel you are not) I am not gonna fucked up my life again like I did. I won't take any reason for myself at all. To me, drugs are meant for medical purposes. Not for recreational nor numbing yourself running away from that moment. I know many that read this will take it very personally. My intention to write this is towards one person I love and care for in life. You meant everything to me and I will never give up on you. Never! You may wonder why I write this at a moment like this. But what I will say is I use to wake up in the middle of the night asking myself what am I doing. I do not want you to go through this. I just want you to know I will be there for you even we really didn't talk much nowadays. But I will always be there. To others than You, I hope this would inspire you as a wake up call to decide what is best for you in life.