Life Is Just Simple

This is a post that took me days to write. Maybe I was really tired. And thank you to all my readers who send me emails and extend your concern. I am thankful to have all of your support even we didn't know each other. Thank you and I will be well. I just needed time to rehabilitate and I will come back stronger.

Sometimes, it is just a matter of time that we have to take to give ourselves a break. Sitting here by the beach looking at the sunset alone, lead me to think a little bit about what and how life has treated me. Honestly, I am blessed with so much love in life. Thanks to all that had given me so much support at my lowest point in life.

I guess I am just tired from all the things and I need to take things one step at a time. Firstly, thankful in the wee hours in the morning, Mr D with your warm words to support me even at the point you needed more than me. I can't wait to see you this coming Sunday~ And another new character, Mr G who appear commenting on the previous post. Thank you and I am touched with what you say. But I still hate you!

After yesterday post, I had a long talk with Cornflakes. He some said he envied what I could feel now. But as usual, the comfort he gave. I am really thankful to have the big 3 of mine with me at all times. I know how would you feel all the time and I know how you feel to cornflakes. I feel that every single day. But I somewhat don't know how to say what I feel. I am really know that cold lonely sensation. I wish I could make it right and tell you everything is ok. But I can't lie the fact that I know in the end of the day, we felt the same way and we also know nothing will make it right. The more cold it gets the harder it would be sometimes. I just somehow wanna make it right but I myself don't know how.

And watching Adam's new music video "Better Than I Know Myself" was kinda the conflict I am having at this moment. The fight between the light and dark side. In the end of the video, dark made peace with the light living co-existence together. That was some how the balance I wanted to have. I am still searching that balance and wanting to be that person I am. But what am I? I wanted to find myself but could I ever when I don't even know myself now? Walls are being built higher and higher. I am not alright but how am I going to do so? So I decided to come back and see Mr D. I know the one person who saw me for who I was at this moment when I start building walls. But I am not saying that I am pushing friends away. Do not get me wrong. I just needed to mend my wound. Yes I am broken. I know if I say I will be well and come back stronger now it is a lie. I wanted to. Just I do not know how would I able to hold on to that when I can't. Maybe I am really tired to lie to myself that I am well and fine. I just can't find that strength. My head hurts so much everyday. It was just so hard to go on. For now.

Sitting here in starbucks doing some writing work for the upcoming musical in April and blogging at the same time. Waiting for Mr D to come. Maybe whenever I am with him, the part of knowing I gotta be well and fight the war with him does help me to be positive. And I know he needed someone to ventilate. I will always be there.No matter what. This is not a promise. But this is what we have between us. The bond we have build so far. Listening to Outcast Of Love by Adam Lambert now even makes me feel stronger about it. Every word hits me like a knife cutting through me. But like it says. Just follow love, it will never leads to the wrong point in life.

Somehow I know even this year has been kind and well for me, I wanna share this with those who needed this more than I do. You guys know who you are. No matter how hard the journey for neither of us, we shall walk along this path just side by side. Life is hard I know but life is just simple. As long as we know what we are doing and staying true. Those who judge you or just don't talk about it is just doesn't really matter. You know you are genuine and you know who are to stay. With the love and care we share together this will bring us to a longer path in life for us. I know what you guys wanted for me so am I. I know where my journey leads me to and I know what I wanna do. I know beinig judge somehow still hurts very much but yea, truth hurts better than we continue to live in denial. I chosen to be where I stand. I don't wanna hate any more and I don't wanna hate myself any more. I know it is still hard and a long way to go. But I know, love attracts good. I will just have to bear with the pain and pay my dues. As time will only make me better. Just having a little faith.