Two Realm

Looking around in the darkness, the sensation arise with anger and fear. Being fallen into pieces and with time stop at the last finger struck. The beauty turns into a darkness. With the warm blood glowing with ruby shines. Feeling every single sensation that flows from within. I held my head high welcoming every single breath that is with me. Seeing everything passing through the winds. I look into the eyes of fear.

Holding up the anguish fire within and standing tall with no weapon. Love has abandon faith. Faith has abandon hope. The moment of holding a goodbye. But it will never come. I was holding on hope. Trying to reach out but no one hear me in the need of moment.

I fall into the realm where earth and sea combine. Trying to adapt to breath between this two elements.
It felt like drowning but yet I found myself comfortable in that realm. But I couldn't breath the air. I need to hold on but I was in the waters. The whole environment was dark and pitch black. I wanted to see but I just felt it was all peaceful. I was struggling but yet peaceful.

I turn into darkness where I only follow the glimpse of the earthly shadows.
But you were just not there any more.
Where am I?

Standing where two realms that never co exist together. Fire will never be peace with water. Earth will never combine with heaven. Ice will not live in the heat of the desert. But it felt right. At the place where I will never understand why am I in. It was frozen.

Arenaa Diner - A New Sensational Place To Be

Arenaa Diner - From the photo you see, who will ever think that this is a place located in the heart of KL. Yes no kidding. The out look at it gives us that feeling that we just some sort come out from a Broadway show and looking for a burger joint for a place to bite in the 50s. But no we don't need a time machine to go back in time to a place like this. 


Newly opened by a friend of mine. This place is located in the heart of KL. Jalan Tun Perak. No one will ever missed out this place along the road. Bright purple neon lights and with the setting and all. No one will ever say "I didn't see it.". It is a Japanese style Diner in Malaysia Specialise in Burger, Pasta, Japanese Rice Bowl and Late Night Supper


So far twice I have been there without planning. Out of being random. It was really funny story. Anyway, with the setting and all, I would say it is really awesome. To my Malaysian readers, please get there like NOW to know what I am talking about. You won't be sorry that you took the time to go. Did I mention this place is a open 24 hours? Yeah, you didn't read it wrong. It is now operating 24 hours a day. 

On the menu itself, I would say it is just perfect. The burger is sensational. I would also say, one of the the best place to find milkshake and chilli fries. Yeah me and my american choice. I will not deny I am bias towards this. It was really good. I love how the chilli fries is being served. In a cup. And I would say the burger was really awesome. For those who doesn't really fancy american food, they also have a great selection of Asian cuisine. I haven't tried their breakfast menu, but I think it is as awesome from how the way it looks like. I can't wait to get down once more for the food. 

I love the Strawberry Milkshake! 

I am still waiting to go dig myself into the pasta and the breakfast menu. Here are the information of this awesome place. I hope you guys will find it a new awesome place to hang out with friends. I know that is a place I will always suggest to go if I am with a bunch of my buddies. Can't wait to go there again. And they also have a beautiful stage. And the next target to go with is with Nell. 

Basic Info

Location	23, Jalan Tun Perak,, 50050 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Food Styles	American (Traditional) Breakfast Brunch Burgers Diners Fast Food Sandwiches Vegetarian
Specialties	Breakfast Lunch Dinner Coffee Drinks
Services	Walk-Ins Welcome Good For Groups Good For Kids Take Out
Parking	Street Parking Lot
Public Transit	Masjid Jamek Station, Pudu Sentral

Contact Info

Phone	103090656
Email	arenaa.diner@gmail.com
Website	http://on.fb.me/arenaadiner

The Last One

I can't believe that I can let it go.
The difference you make completely changed me.
I can't believe that I let you know.
Oh today it's gonna change, and rearrange me.

Cause time stand still now and we are the last one.
Cause everybody changing, and we may indeed make ache go.

I can't believe I didn't told you so.
I see your face and everything you shine so and
oh I can't breath you were so blind to see
oh the difference you make turn back the tables at me

Cause time stand still now and we are the last one.
Cause everybody changing, and we may indeed make ache go away.

Upon receiving the call from Ron to tell me The Last One was included in the album I was in heaven the moment I hear it. This song symbolize hope. A world that no one would understood. I can't wait to post this song for all of you to hear. Cornflakes, this is for you.

Batman did this song perfectly. The brighter side of life when we are in the dark. Trespassing will indeed be a hit. An album with flamboyant dance hits, rock, a little metal and some soul touching ballads. It is the album I am anticipating for a long time. I am so glad that I have this chance to learn so much from all these beautiful souls.

Perspective

Sometimes it is just a a perspective how we see things or feel things. I know sometimes I get all emotional with my post but some of it wasn't really emotional at all. At point to point in life, we tend to grow with it. Just a better way for others to know what I am really writing about. I am a very annoying prick in real life who loves to irritate my friends around me. But on my perspective in life, even for one of my post about a "Good Goodbye" It wasn't really something emotional and sad. It was me having a proper closure of a past I use to have. Yes that song is kinda emotional and all. But in real life, I am not feeling sad nor anything.

It is some sort more of a celebration of freedom for me. I bound myself with a love that wasn't mine to hold. But I did talk about this to a friend a week ago. The only thing I was holding on to was myself. And the biggest part of me was not able to let go that past. Even I say it is a closure. Common people, we are earthly bound beings. We have our emotions and so on. But the fact is we are also learning in life. I would say our past, it is something that we will never able to let go. But treat it more of a memory that keeps us going being better and better. I know some people tend to hold on, some tend to just move on, some even tend to have rebound, or the most common one is ignoring the past. Everyone has the right to decide what they wanted in life. Especially in love, there is not right or wrong.

Even for myself, I am in love with someone who was a past and became my present and future. But what does that love have to be? A love that gives hope? Settling down with that person in life and so on? Or I should say that it is something on our own accord? Being in love is a gift. Being able to love is what we are made to be. So how does that perspective put in place? My answer is, be what you wanna be and love the way you can love. There isn't a right thing or a wrong thing to be. Life is a bitch but I could say we are bigger bitches than life. We can't always have the best, but what we can do is make the best out of what we have. Life would stay in a more beautiful perspective.

I know I was a pain in the ass at my earlier part of life. But looking back and seeing what I am now, I guess I would say I am good with what I have in life now. Even how I wanted to be and loving that person I have now. It is just a way of life that makes me complete. So, no complains. I am good.

Good Goodbye

Here we are again, all alone.
Standing here with you, now I see.
We fought so hard, and there is just one thing to do

This is our good goodbye,
Coming around for sometime,
We gotta let go of the lies
We gotta move on with our lives
This is our good goodbye,
It's never a good goodbye

Here we are again, I just don't wanna face it.
Cause I know your heart, belongs with someone else.
We ran so far, and there is just one thing to do

I know I know we are both are not meant to be together
I know I know I guess I just love you more.

But this is our good goodbye.

After buying Diana DeGarmo new release on iTunes today. Listening to it make me realize sometimes, it is just me holding myself back and not letting myself go. There is something I really do feel tired I was holding on a certain reason which I never understand. I know it felt so right whenever you are around but the fact is the lies I told myself that it will be different.

I guess in many ways I just don't wanna hold on to something that wasn't mine to begin. It was all history repeats. I am so tired that it will always be that way. Letting go of myself that is. I knew somehow I had a little too much on my plate to just keep myself from not going on with what life has to offer.

I somehow should let go and see what I am really worth holding on to. I know I have a great family that supports whatever I do in life. I have friends who will always be there for me. And someone I love to support and be there for. I should have make the best with what is with me. Time to let go. For me to let go of myself for something that never meant to be.

How Everything You Are To Me

If the day should ever come

That the love we found has come

And the dreams we shared have drifted away

Though I know the golden sun

Still shines down on everyone

My cold world would never be the same

So I'll send a prayer

One day you'll see

Someday you'll realize

How everything you are

How everything you are to me

I can't expect you to know

Something that I never show

But the whirling of the world gets in the way

And it's not that I don't care

And it's not that I don't wanna share

But some of these words are just too big to say

So I'll send a prayer

Someday you'll see

One day you'll realize

I'll send a prayer

Someday you'll see

One day you'll realize

How everything you are

How everything you are to me

Perseverance

It was a beautiful day to wake up to. Even though that yeah I agree with all my friends 4 hours of sleep is not enough. But sometimes, when we do what we love to do, it just make sense. Things will fall into place. I am surprise that within 2 hours, I finish all the listed work I need to do for the day. So time for me to go back to bed? I am not sure I wanted that.

Sitting here wondering how are you doing at the moment. I look at my phone but I foresee the reply you would say. Convincing to have a little more faith everything will be alright. But there are some sad news that comes to me today. I wanted to surprise you with the F1 Rocks Malaysia Concert with Kylie & Kelis coming and all. But I am sad to say the organizers decided to call it off. I was looking forward to put that big smile on your face after all the things you are facing in life now.

But no matter what life goes on. At least I didn't go break the news and seeing you with that disappointed face. Somehow I am at twitter waiting for some sorta news from you. I know it will be a tough week for you. And seriously, I got no idea how your body is coping at the moment. I am now listening to "Crying Is Beautiful" and letting all the emotions flows in. breathing in every breath of air, praying that you gonna make it.

I prove one thing right. With the passion and perseverance on what we are doing, we can make things happen. I know I am blessed with all the beautiful souls around me. I just hope to get through this and make my life right again.

To my Cow, Somehow this emotion let me write something beautiful. I know you will be reading this. I know you will be the only one to feel the emotions I am feeling now and sing it with that soulful voice of yours. I can't wait to see you next week. I miss you so much.

I know now I am infected to write a post which doesn't make sense with the topic. Sorry~

Holding You Tightly . 用力抱著

I had a almost 2 hours conversation with one of my angels tonight. In a way, she was tired and couldn't hold to her own faith. I am not talking about her problems here but I wanna dedicate this to her. Ms Tan, this is for you! Out of no where, I came across this beautiful tune by 梁靜茹-用力抱著. I realize I haven't been listening to chinese tune for the longest time ever. Somehow I felt what she felt tonight after the conversation.

First, I have to admit I am impress with the energy level of mine that kept me going till now at 3 in the morning. But I promise I will be going to bed right after this. Thinking of someone I love at this very moment. Somehow I miss you very much. Maybe you would not even know I do at times like this. I know something wasn't right but I don't know why. All I know when you wanna talk about it you will. All I could do is being there for you whenever you need me. I am thankful to even have you in life now.

Listening to Ms Tan tonight, it made me realize what loving someone means to me. In many ways, it isn't about changing for someone we love. But just accept the person for who he is. Which leads me to this topic. I am not saying this because I love you. But I wish sometimes, you would see what is life about and how beautiful it could be. But having said that, I know loving you is something I need to learn is letting go. I know to many of my readers it won't make any sense. But to those who knows what is going on. I think this will be putting a big smile on your faces. Even I know you guys were thousand miles apart from me.

Letting go in what sense many would ask. Letting go in myself. I should be forgiving myself. Because loving you is not a curse. It is a blessing. With that I am facing in life, it makes perfect sense. I know we will have each other till the very end of time. All I have to do is to reach out. In a way I know for weeks I didn't. As beautiful being in love is, I know in many ways, it was something we would never understood why and it is something that I would never know what the answer will be. But when I stood in your shoes, it just makes perfect sense. But like I say before, when no one is there to understand you, I will try my best to do so. When you think no one loves you, I am loving you in every breath I take.

There are ups and down in life that is for sure. But all I can say is I will play my part being there for you. I believe maybe it is all fate that brought us together. It was something I will always hold on to. like how the song put it together. I know love has brought life back in me. And in the near future, I will have a big change in life. I know you will stand just right beside me when I tell you I needed you. Holding me and telling me it will be ok. Even when now we are apart, the only thing you always wanted is me being happy and so do I wanted that for you. Every day, when I wake up, I would see are there any massages or mails from you. It gives me a sense of home. Something I couldn't put in words showing you how much it meant to me.

Someone once told me and I strongly still believe.

Love is the only thing that keeps the earth goes round.

Social Network 2.0

I do not know why this thing always get to my nerves. I really think sometimes I hate logging into Facebook to see so dumb stupid post that really insult our intelligences and yet people still share it. The most idiotic thing I have ever come across today was using the pricing of a Toyota Camry that is in Malaysia and in Dubai. For goodness sake people. I do not know what is wrong with the people.

The thing is I am not a pro government or any party here. Yes I do hate the fact that corruption and all. But using this to take down your opponent? God, I don't need another dumb ass to run this country. But do I have a better leader? NO! I mean people, get your brains working. To be a first world country and the sustainabily, to achieve a high income status country there are a lot more factors than this. Do you guys who share those news out think that seriously the opposition will able to bring down the pricing of the cars to what Dubai is doing? Common people, what is our economical income comes from? It is just hilarious. I was just talking to a friend complaining how the US government have their debate like kids! And here we are sharing something that doesn't make any sense.

I seriously doubt how many people would know what is our current country economy is running. As of the current data for Malaysia are as below

Malaysia's latest data (Feb'12) 

Inflation: 3.0% | Poverty: 2.5% | Unemployment: 3.0% | Forex reserves: US$134.1b | FDI: US$9.4b (2010), US$14.3b (Jan-Nov'11) | HDI: 76.1 | GDP growth (Y): 5.1% | GDP per capita (PPP): US$14,670 | GDP per capita (Nom): US$8,423 | GNI per capita (Atlas): US$7,900 | Credit rating (S&P): A | External/Public debt to GDP: 28.5%/53.8% | Total trade value: US$422.6b | Tourism: 24.71 mil | Urbanisation: 73% | Market Cap: US$438b | Competitiveness: 21st | DBR: 18th

I know many of you know what the data is all about. But many out there don't give a damn about this. But seriously just don't care is an attitude for us to hold? Should we just keep on expecting? We are not Dubai. Look at their reserve. Of course with that they could actually have a total number of 90 Airbus A380 on order. They don't need a full load to even start to care. 

I am really not sure what I will do this upcoming election. I do see the power of social network could get to a person and even bringing down a country. I am not blaming anyone but the education system and environment. We are a democratic country. Even before the conspiracy case of Anwar. Before judgement everyone says he will be guilty even before the trail. But what was the outcome? I literally rub that on my dad's face and I did try to talk sense to him. YES WE NEED A CHANGE! But it has to start with us. 

Many just don't realize that their actions just kinda slap themselves in their own face. I can also just don't bother about this issue and just move on to other post. But the fact is I do think as a citizen I would want a real change for my own country. This is my responsibility. I really do urge that let's stop all this hilarious jokes and stop make ourselves look like a fool. Take pride in our country. No matter who we wanted our leader to be, do it the right way. Take ourselves seriously. Make that change. Change what we want our country to be. Speak for yourself. Not follow blindly what others may say. No one should take pride of showing what a fool we are. We are ready to take the status of a develop country from a developing one. We are ready to have a stronger economy status. Change what we have to do. Start from ourselves.

Hardship In Love

After a long day dealing with the upcoming musical. I finally reach home and lying down getting ready for bed. I am surprise with the energy level I have today. Somehow I am still able sit here and blog with just 3 hours sleep  in 50 hours. I was just going through some blogs that I follow. And when I come across this. I find I have to share with all of you. Honestly I find it very beautiful.

There will be a big change in my life within these few months. Knowing clearly where my direction is. Had a good long talk with my cow. She is as angelic as she is. Listening to her annoying voice on my iTunes while writing this. How ironic that could get. Anyway, not to stray from my post, sometimes I look at a beauty side in life now and accepting the fact of able to get the things I do with just a little more faith in myself.

Honestly in the past, I would still end up in my bed at times like this. Feeling weak and all. But I choose not to let in with it this time round. Got up and make things out of the best I could do. Loving the fact what I was doing. The songs are in place. The tedious part of arrangement is mad. But I have two awesome protégé who make this even better. From Tango to Bosanova. Ballad to up tempo dance. Things are just crazily good. But having that faith in the things we love doing. I think I found a perfect way to know what I wanted in life make everything fall into place.

This leads me to the blog I read. Which caught me in so many places. The love of what we are passionate about. To a thing we do to the person we love. It was just purely the love we are able to make this change. I know by the power of love and having faith in those we love, it gives you a pure energy to make it all right. I know when my working mode is on, I am a little extreme. But in a good way I would say so. As what I would feel or how I feel, just come watch the musical. I believe everyone will leave with a surprise and a sense of touched to the heart. That I would promise.

Just to share what I read earlier with you guys. Like I use to quote.

Love is fair, Love has no jealousy, Love see no discrimination, Love do not put us in difference of age, sex, gender and religion. Love is kind and Love is patient.

With all the hardships and pain
laughs, long talks
sometimes we drive each other insane
but when it comes to loving you
I do
no one could ever compare
because no one is as support, caring, and true
with all my heart
I love you more and more
from start to end to end from start
our loves grows
with every breath we take
you are my love my hear my soul
no matter what the price
or risks I must take
or even what I have to sacrifice
you are my best friend
I will be here with you until the end.

Hero

Listening to Mariah Carey's Hero. Listening to how she put in her own words. Knowing the fact this song is to inspire everyone with a dream. Honestly, I am thinking of a certain someone today. The whole time in fact. I am not sure what happen but I am hoping that everything is well. Maybe you were tired or something. I am not sure at all. But honestly, I really am thinking what happen. Trying not to worry. Just praying that you are well.

The lyrics for this song was perfect. You were my hero that is all I can say. I just wish you were here again. Honestly, I miss you very much. Somehow I do not know where are you now, but I do miss talking to you. Miss you being that cute annoying little boy around. I don't know, every time when I think of you. I will smile and it brings me some peace no matter what I am going through. All I could say was I am helpless sometimes that I couldn't lessen your pain. I really wish I could just hold you close to give you the warmth and care you deserved.

I am moving on to a new place now in life. A point where I will start a new beginning. After months and months after all the pain I was having. I decided to start on the meds now myself. I know for a longer journey. I wish to see you smile day by day. I wish to see you happy with someone you love and kids around you. I held myself close and I know that was all I wanted. To honor my hero, I know I will not be afraid of what I am. There will be an answer if I reach in my soul and all the sorrow will melt away. And here I would say, good night and to have my rest as I know that was always a wish of you to see me well. But I just wanna say out loud. I miss you very much.

Before, After, Now.

Before I was a loner
Always brooding in my own shelter
Thought love would never stop by ever
As I couldn’t find that special lover.

Then I met you one summer
For hours we sat and talked to each other
Like old friends we were, I remember
Funny that I could find a soul mate in a stranger.

I knew then I have found the perfect partner
Someone I could love and cherish forever
Now, my love has only grown deeper

After I was a lover

Always having a home to go back to

Thought love would never ever leave me ever

As I found you in my life.

One summer I was straying away from the side walks

Then Satan brought me together with a past

We were like strangers once more, I remember

Funny was I didn't think it would hurt me

I knew I was to lose you even you were perfect

Someone I could love and cherish forever

Now, my love has failed only deeper

Now I was blessed again.

Having my own shelter and a home

As I have all the love again.

After years being a loner and one winter

I found you in my life again.

Funny that we met in that weird way that you never knew me

But in many ways, I knew I was blessed, I remember.

Even life has it's own way 
I know now nothing I will do to not see you smile
Just cherish every moment that we may have.
Someone I could fall on and spread my wings to have you safe
Now that is a love that I will never dream of.

Binding

As I sit and let my thoughts drift
Calm and contentment take hold of my mind
Because each time I let them adrift
They always come back to you, I find.

Our love came deep and swift
So special to have these feelings that bind
Or will it be a curse?


Holding tight to myself,
Letting it filled me with all the sensual bind
I let myself in while holding on something which was never to start with
They always come back to you, I find.
Our love wasn't ours
It was special to have these feelings that bind
Till everything wasn't right any more.

幸福

幸福总围绕在别人身边，烦恼总纠缠在自己心里。这是大多数人对幸福和烦恼的理解。差学生以为考了高分就可以没有烦恼，贫穷的人以为有了钱就可以得到幸福。结果是，有烦恼的依旧难消烦恼，不幸福的仍然难得幸福。

人生烦恼无数。烦恼，永远是寻找幸福的人命中的劫数。先贤说，把心静下来，什么也不去想，就没有烦恼了。先贤的话，像扔进水中的石头，而芸芸众生在听得“咕咚”一声闷响之后，烦恼便又涟漪一般荡漾开来，而且层出不穷。

寻找幸福的人，有两类。一类像在登山，他们以为人生最大的幸福在山顶，于是气喘吁吁、穷尽一生去攀登。最终却发现，他们永远登不到顶，看不到头。他们并不知道，幸福这座山，原本就没有顶、没有头。

　　另一类也像在登山，但他们并不刻意登到哪里。一路上走走停停，看看山岚、赏赏虹霓、吹吹清风，心灵在放松中得到某种满足。尽管不得大愉悦，然而，这些琐碎而细微的小自在，萦绕于心扉，一样芬芳身心、恬静自我。

　　对于心灵来说，人奋斗一辈子，如果最终能挣得个终日快乐，就已经实现了生命最大的价值。有的人本来很幸福，看起来却很烦恼；有的人本来该烦恼，看起来却很幸福。

　　活得糊涂的人，容易幸福；活得清醒的人，容易烦恼。这是因为，清醒的人看得太真切，一较真儿，生活中便烦恼遍地；而糊涂的人，计较得少，虽然活得简单粗糙，却因此觅得了人生的大境界。所以，人生的烦恼是自找的。不是烦恼离不开你，而是你撇不下它。

　　这个世界，为什么烦恼的人都有。为权，为钱，为名，为利……人人行色匆匆，背上背着个沉重的行囊，装得越多，牵累也就越多。几乎所有的人都在追逐着人生的幸福。

　　然而，就像卞之琳《断章》所写的那样，我们常常看到的风景是：一个人总在仰望和羡慕着别人的幸福，一回头，却发现自己正被别人仰望和羡慕着。其实，每个人都是幸福的。只是，你的幸福，常常在别人眼里。

火车

从家到学校，长长的路，长长的火车，长长的时间，常常的等待，常常的幻想，常常的疲倦。从窗外的春光旖旎，到中途的烟雨濛濛，再到下站的阴云冷风。

一路感受着周遭变幻的一切，一切在时光的流中淌着。

听着歌，伴着雨滴拍打车窗的声响，火车的隆隆声，还有过隧道时的一种特别的呼啸声，因为那仿佛让我短暂地存在属于山的某个秘密地 方，或者幻想着用爱因斯坦的相对论用超光速将我抛到另个时空。

温度从阳光的橙黄降到了只剩声音的透明。

Mp3的后退键坏了，好像出发前就这样了，没有任何征兆与说明。

只前进的歌，正如只能一直往前走的我。

当想歇一下，有暂停键可按，想后退了，却所以键便失灵了，正如没有后悔药吃，什么都不能倒退，错了的，对了的，好的，坏的，时间是那么真实，就那么向前走着，不管我跟不跟得上脚步。

然而又发现一种迂回的方法，就是退出键，退出再重新来。相比一直无奈地让它按我不想的方向往前，这确也不失为一个折中之法；因而效率也随之折中了。

生活中的后退键好像没有，退出键也很少，按后退键是需要机会的，而按退出键是需要勇气的。最好的是选对音乐，让它自由而随性地一直往后播着。。

途中一个地带有一种长的很像蒲公英的树，很是喜欢，途中的寂寞仿佛化在了这样的意外的感动中。席慕容有一首诗叫开着花的树，很美，而像花的树也很美，让人不禁感叹造物主的功力，美化世俗生活的功力。

遥远的天际，起伏的地平线，柚黄的荒草，夹着几块田地的青绿，那种树自然而然地开在了其中，一切生动了起来。想起有一种唯美风格的电影总有这样一个场景，只有一棵树，一个凳子，简洁而悠长。某个故事在这里开始，发展，结束。

随着天色的变化，树也远远地被染上了玫瑰红加淡紫色的光彩，然而形状还是蒲公英的样子，起风了，那些细细的枝桠会被吹散到何方呢？很有“人生无根蒂，飘如陌上尘。随风逐流转，此已非常身”的意味。

大多的树都是始终不移动位置的，脚下的土地是它一辈子的，而这种树给了我这样的想象。它有了蒲公英的神韵，火车在行驶，白云在飘动，风儿在游动，它也在移动。

有人说过，时代的风将他和一些人吹向了四方，散了。这样的风也将我们和很多人吹散了，方向变得不同，运命也不同，或枯萎，或盛开，曾经聚集的花叶，飘散各方，然后落在某地，生根，成长，最后长成千万朵容颜不同的花，再次相聚。离散颇多，聚会亦不少，如一次次孤独的远行，一个个多年不见的老朋友，这样的人生，应该是不会遗憾的吧！

叶子

站在街道上，放眼望去
惊见满地落叶
原来
早已入了秋

叶子的离开
是风的一再追求
还是树的不挽留？
拾起一片落叶
哀悼它的离开
也在追忆它生前的精彩
看着手中的落叶
回想着自己的曾经
感觉我就像这落叶
用曾经的精彩换来今天的萧条
叶子是幸运的
当它离开的树的怀抱时
至少它不会哭
有的只是不为人知的无奈
而我的离开
却让我早已泪流满面
或许这就是宿命吧
命运的道路
谁也无权更改
何况是个小小的叶子？
叶子是喜欢树的怀抱
它的离开，实属无奈
不管是风的追求
还是树的不挽留

Hallelujah

Listening to the only tune bring me some peace. I had a good 23 hours without any pain attacks till now.
Trying to distract myself from the pain. Had my meds and waiting for it to take effect.
Trying to let myself go in my own realm. With Sarah Connor singing in the background.
Her rendition of Hallelujah brings me to a calm state. Closing my eyes, I see you face beside me.
Holding me and telling me to hold on. But once I opened my eyes you were not there any more.
Holding myself close to myself on the bed. Trying to get all the pain away.
I was once again I tried to close my eyes. Feeling you holding me closely telling me everything will be ok.
I try to let go of the sensation within. Thinking back that moment. I am asking myself why am I doing this again.
I really couldn't hold on to my own faith. I felt helpless but I know all will be over soon.
I emailed my Cow and telling her what I felt. All she did was telling me to hold on and it will be over.
At times, I wonder where and when will it be over?
Somehow I don't wanna know any more. Holding on to myself again close, feeling my own warmth.
I know it will be. Up above he will always look down upon me.
It has been 12 years. But it seems like yesterday I was sitting in JFK waiting for your arrival.
This is something I will never get over no matter how long the time could take.
I miss you very much Isaiah. My brother. We all missed you dearly.

Certainties Fades

Where do we go from here?

This isn't where we intended to be

We had it all, you believed in me

I believed in you

Certainties disappear

What do we do for our dream to survive?

How do we keep all our passions alive,

As we used to do?

Why are you at my side?

How can I be any use to you now?

Give me a chance and I'll let you see how

Nothing has changed

Deep in my heart I'm concealing

Things that I'm longing to say

Scared to confess what I'm feeling

Frightened you'll slip away

You must love me

Whenever I listen to this song, maybe it is because I am close to what the character was in. It was certainly being in love with a heavy heart. I wonder sometimes, is it because of this I try not to feel that much? Or should I say the passion that was burning within. Many times, when you are in love, what do you feel? Looking back at the lyrics. That is somehow what being in love is. I do not deny or I am not saying that this is a healthy thing to be. But when you are in love, somehow that is how you feel. Yes, with the part that life is, we certainly enjoy the beauty part of it. But we tend to look pass that hard part. I don't know. Maybe that was part of how I screw up a beautiful marriage. I know this may be something personal. But just something that really hits me. 

In the lyrics I guess I never knew how does the character feels till I am facing it today. At many points, I know by saying this I am giving a slap in my face. I do push the person I love away whenever I am in a bad position. I know that from time to time, I should be getting use to it considering it is 7 years now. But till the moment I met Mr D again. I felt nothing I am going through in me could compare to what he is going through. I know somehow we are very much alike but yet very different. Whenever we are in our own world, we just tend to get sucked into this black hole that no one ever see. Somehow, I guess because of this, I wanna be there at all times. But in so many ways, I felt helpless whenever I am sick again. It was like yesterday. But I am glad he is alright.  

And at the chorus of the song. I guess Arakin San will be slapping me non stop whenever I say this. I know your effort and I know all the beautiful things you have inspired me. But just sometimes, at down points, I am also like you in that way. But I am not as strong as you are to face it in many ways. Yes I do find that that it is hard. It is not because I refuses to change. But I do not wanna deny the fact I am just the way I am. I am not saying it is a very healthy thing. But I did try to change. But in the end, I was more miserable. I don't wanna end up at my death bed knowing I didn't gave my all to make myself happy. In many way, I know you guys would understand. 

What's wrong with me with songs and emotions nowadays. I need to post more commercial stuff. Sorry for filling in so much emotional post these days. This is just something I wanna share.

Unbroken

I lay beside you, I can't sleep
And you don't even know about me
My back is turned a world away
And you don't even know
These tears are falling
And all my life, and all this time
My love for you has added up to this
It's unbroken, unbroken, unbroken

I've lost your thousand silent screams
I'm coming down this brutal mountain
I'm ready here to try again
Standing in the light from the darkness
And all my life and all my time
And all the hurting and all the working
It somehow made me stronger in the end
It's unbroken, unbroken, unbroken

And all my life and all this time
And all the prayin' and all the meeting
And all the beating, it somehow makes us better in the end
It's unbroken, unbroken, unbroken


It was a gift. It was beautiful. It was love. It was like echo in the rain. I will always here it.
I listen to the point where love begins. I never knew it was such a great place to be. In a way, I had a talk to a close friend not far from the past. Life has treated me well. But in also many ways, life had brought me through a little too fast. At the age of 28, I sometimes felt it was 40. I am not complaining much on what I am now as it has brought me into a way much I wanna be. Sometimes just seeing life it was really a great journey. It was unbroken. Everything that I went through makes me realize how fast life could do in such a short period. Closing my my eyes and breath in everything. Sometimes, I really realize what a jerk I use to be. Somehow I still don't really see the how could I move on from then. Many ways and many things lead me to a certain point of endangering myself. I wonder many times, why do I get myself into drug problems in the past? Why do I screw up everything when I have all to start with.

But this is life. I am glad so many great souls were with me to keep my spirit up. A life where things are just beautiful as it was even at some point I still wonder why. Like even now, I do ask that question why me? Why now? Why all has to be now. But no matter how much I asked, nothing will gonna change a single thing  now. So I just am going to make the best out of everything I have now. No matter what I am going through. It is still curable. I know one day soon. Things will be better.

I know now I miss you very much. But I couldn't just show it out. As the deeper it stays in my heart. I know one day all will be well and it will be better. I know my faith and hope are broken after knowing the news from the doctor. But what the hell with it. I have been fighting so long. Just need a little more faith. It will be well. I know it will.

Fortuity

1:38pm Malaysia Time.

Lying here after reading a tweet. My heart was pumping up and down.
I couldn't stop thinking what went wrong. I don't know what happen.
At this very moment, I am lost and it was like my heart just stop.
I know you are somehow still alright. But just can't keep my mind calm.
I kept wondering what kinda accident you have got into.
I called and text. Should I keep calling? Should I ask for help?
That tweet was 37minutes ago. I still need you to be there for the musical.
I need you to be proud of me. I am really freaking out. But I couldn't move. I am helpless.
I wish I am well and healthy at this moment. I felt useless. I couldn't do anything at all if the worst happen.
Not just to you but to anyone I cared and love.

1:47pm Malaysia time.
"Ah, finally you are back."
A text received. It felt like all the colors has come back into the world.
I didn't even know what to do or how to react. I somehow knew it was due to the effects of certain meds.
I knew there ain't anything at all I would able to do. Looking at all the people around that is lying lifelessly.
It was like a lullaby. I close my eyes wishing it was just the sun set and knowing you will be alright.

Safe & Sound is playing in the background, I felt a soothing breeze touches my face. I know I should stop worrying and don't let the shadow that killed me overpower my only will. You will be alright. No one can hurt you now. The music kept me going from one place to another. I felt my body giving me a sense of strength. I knew the rest was all would lead me on. Breathing the air and feeling the soft wind touches my skin. One day, that day would come when I am able to see you again. When I look like a healthy and happy person. Once more, it will be a part of a journey. I have to go on. I have to.

Remembering a moment when I was at the Brooklyn Bridge, I look out at the river and have that wish. I will see that come true. I just want you to be there when that happen.

Fallen

At the opening of a closing. I am defeated at last.

Somehow the only thing that had me going was the heart that beats.

I learn it the hard way, and let it never let it go that far.

My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't whole to start with.

I am beaten up by faith, I am broken by hope.

The only weakness I have was in my eyes.

I saw pain and fear waiting to greet me.

But maybe there is another road I might just catch a glimpse them..

Looking at the blood flowing out with life. 

Closing the only way passway that you see me.

The only damage has been done. Thinking of all the love I will lose.

My conviction was blinded by your spotlight.

I can't fight no threat, as it was no use to go anywhere now.

This would be the last song I would write here as time comes to an end.

It was never easy to say goodbye for me. 

Closing up the whole chapter at the very end.

If I seem distant
Baby I am
Words are like scissors in your hands
And there is no script to follow
So I just close my eyes
That way it wont hurt so much
When we say goodbye

I feel just like an actor
Up on the stage
I cant believe
What Im hearing myself say
And the porch light is my spotlight
So I play along with this life
That way it wont hurt so much
When we say goodbye

Did you ever love me?
Does it even matter?
Did you even notice the whole world shatter?
I just want to hold you til you know Im sorry
But I just keep it all inside
That way it wont hurt so much
When we say goodbye

My heart feels like a circus
Its to much to take in
Its hard to lose love
But you were my best friend

So I walk this high wire
Alone.tonight
That way it wont hurt so much
When we say goodbye

Breaking

The only thing today that made me smile was the promo video of our production.
Lying here on a strange bed. I was trying to find some peace with my own. 
At points today I couldn't even sit up to start with. I don't know what is going wrong with me. 
I am feeling a lot of cutting edges from within. Beside blogging and looking at the news feed from Facebook, I couldn't do much. Starting to feel a little helpless as I was.


I look out from the window, the evening skies is so beautiful. 
I wonder again, how long will it last? The other person lying beside me is having way much more pain to handle compare to what I am going through. I close my eyes and telling it is ok.
I ask my mother to leave me alone today. I couldn't bare her to see me this way. 
Even I know there is way much more she could do but I just don't want her to see me this way.


At times I wonder how long more I need to actually do this. Eventually I will get tired and just don't wanna do this any more. But there will always is a but. I wish somehow there isn't at all.
Trying to keep things positive for myself, I am now listening to Coming Home by Gwyneth Paltrow. 
Somehow it gives me the warmth whenever I am feeling down.
I will be going on meds in a few hours. Hopefully I would stop all the sensation which is going through me now.


Yes, I am still thinking about you. Somehow I felt I was just naive enough to kinda do something stupid.
All I could do is looking at twitter waiting for some news.
And the versa " I am finally coming home " came playing. It made me think where is really home for me?
I know somehow I don't wanna put up with all these tune. It is beautiful and yet strong in words. 
And I know that it was the time of breaking. For the first time for the longest time, all the strength in my body is like being vacuum out from. The only thing I could move is my head and fingers. 
The body felt the coldness of an old friend. Closing my eyes, I am telling myself repetitively,

I cannot break. Not at times like this. Waiting for all the pain to go away. I know I will see you again. Soon. Real soon...

Wizard Of Oz Comes To KL

Follow the yellow brick road, that will lead you to the magnificent Oz. The great wizard. Who is Oz? I wanted to dedicate this post to a loyal reader of mine. He did ask me to talk about Oz. 

I guess everyone will be familiar with this song. I know it is to me during my childhood years.

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I've heard of
Once in a lullaby..."

Follow the yellow brick road over the rainbow and into Pentas 1 of KLPAC for an amazing new production of The Wizard of Oz!

Developed from the legendary MGM screenplay this production, completely re-conceived for the stage, contains all the much-loved songs from the Oscar winning movie score, all the favourite characters and iconic moments, plus a few surprises along the way.

Featuring a line-up of Malaysia's best stage and musical theatre talents including Stephanie Van Driesen, Peter Ong, Radhi Khalid, Zalina Lee, Tria Aziz, Mano Maniam, and Suhaili Micheline. Directed by Nell Ng and includes the creative dream team behind the success of 'Cabaret'. This is one show you will not want to miss!

Keep checking back here for more details. but be careful... a storm is coming to KL in April 2012! Beware the tornado. In this charming film based on the popular L. Frank Baum stories, Dorothy and her dog Toto are caught in a tornado's path and somehow end up in the land of Oz. Here she meets some memorable friends and foes in her journey to meet the Wizard of Oz who everyone says can help her return home and possibly grant her new friends their goals of a brain, heart and courage. 

The scarecrow. He was the first person Dorothy met along the way to the Emerald City.
He doesn't have a brain. So Dorothy ask him along to to see the wizard to ask for a brain.

Along the way they came across the apple farm. Where they met the Tinman who doesn't have a heart.

And in the forest, they met the lion. Who doesn't have the nerve. Along  the lion join them to ask for courage!

Their off to see the wizard... the wonderful wizard of oz. 

Glinda, the good witch of the north. Did you know she travels in a bubble???
Isn't that magical.

Wicked witch of the west. She wants those ruby slippers on Dorothy's feet. It belongs to the Wicked  witch of the east.

I want those slippers!

This event is made entirely possible only through the generous support of Berjaya Corporation Berhad and Kenny Rogers Roasters, along with AmPrivate Banking, OCBC, Puncak Dana, Yayasan Sultanah Bahiyah, M.A.C. Cosmetics, ZOOS Advertising, Joshua Chay, Lily Lee, and Jimmy Ang Art and Studio. Thank you for supporting Malaysian talents and theatre. This show would not happen without you! It will be one of the best musical ever happen in KL. For more details, please follow us on Pan Productions on Facebook and go click on our event. The Wizard of Oz comes to KL! Tickets are limited. Please get it as soon as possible once we are on sale this 24th. There are 7 shows off. Please do come support us.

TICKETS ON SALE 24 MARCH 2012 from KLPAC Box Office!

THE MOST MAGICAL ADVENTURE OF THEM ALL!

Here is our Trailer for the show. I hope you all will love it! I know I enjoyed it very very much.

The Last Draw

At the ray of light that has come,
I open my eyes gently and feel the cold breeze that go through my skin.
I feel that the pondering of the heart stops.
The same voice touches me again.
I remember you say that "Don't leave me here alone."
Just close your eyes, the sun is going down.
I feel the warm of the shadows covering my body.
I know it will be gone soon.
You will be alright.
No more morning light.
No one can hurt you now. Everything will be soon gone. It will be alright.

A lullaby like going through the snowy night.
Come to the night, I felt the sense of living a whole life again.
But not within the realm I see now. I knew it was just somewhere near.
A place where no tears will stream down your face.
I know the loneliness will not go through tonight.
I know for the first time after a long time, I will be safe and sound.
Looking out the window, everything is on fire.
But there are no more scream. Just a quiet night out there after the sun sets.
No more morning light, I will be safe and sound again.
Just close your eyes and I will be alright.

Lead The Way

Take my hand and lead the way;
tell me all you want to say.
Whisper softly in my ear,
all those things I want to hear.
Kiss my lips and touch my skin;
bring out passions deep within.
Pull me close and hold me near;
take away my pain and fear.
In the darkness of the night,
be my beacon, shine your light.
In the brightness of the sun,
show me that you are the one.
Give me wings so I can fly;
for I can soar when you're nearby.
Enter my heart, break down the wall,
it's time for me to watch it fall.
I've been a prisoner, can't you see?
Break my chains and set me free.
Strip me of my armor tight;
you'll find I won't put up a fight.
Release my soul held deep within . . .
I'm ready now...