Hallelujah

Listening to the only tune bring me some peace. I had a good 23 hours without any pain attacks till now.
Trying to distract myself from the pain. Had my meds and waiting for it to take effect.
Trying to let myself go in my own realm. With Sarah Connor singing in the background.
Her rendition of Hallelujah brings me to a calm state. Closing my eyes, I see you face beside me.
Holding me and telling me to hold on. But once I opened my eyes you were not there any more.
Holding myself close to myself on the bed. Trying to get all the pain away.
I was once again I tried to close my eyes. Feeling you holding me closely telling me everything will be ok.
I try to let go of the sensation within. Thinking back that moment. I am asking myself why am I doing this again.
I really couldn't hold on to my own faith. I felt helpless but I know all will be over soon.
I emailed my Cow and telling her what I felt. All she did was telling me to hold on and it will be over.
At times, I wonder where and when will it be over?
Somehow I don't wanna know any more. Holding on to myself again close, feeling my own warmth.
I know it will be. Up above he will always look down upon me.
It has been 12 years. But it seems like yesterday I was sitting in JFK waiting for your arrival.
This is something I will never get over no matter how long the time could take.
I miss you very much Isaiah. My brother. We all missed you dearly.