Coming Home

It's a four letter word

A place you go to heal your hurt

It's an altar, it's a shelter

One place you're always welcome

A pink flamingo, double wide

One bedroom in a high rise

A mansion on a hill

Where the memories always will

keep you company whenever you're alone

Well they say it's where the heart is

And i guess the hardest part is

when your heart is broken

and you're lost out in the great wide open

Looking for a map

Finding your way back

To where you belong

Oh well that's where I belong

HOME - the world tried to break me

I found a road to take me

HOME - there ain't nothing but a blue sky now

After all of my running

I'm finally coming...home

Whenever a memory of you appear, it was like me going home. A place where it is safe. I looked at my iMessage for a long long time. I thought I would be able to have the courage to just drop a hello. But somehow I just couldn't. I know I talked about a thing of when you feel like doing anything, just do it without regrets. But at a moment like this, I just couldn't possibly do anything at all. Maybe I am a coward. Even when you were talking to me sometimes, I wish I could just let go. So much conflict in myself. 

Today is just hell for me. The constant attacks of the sensation. I was holding back again and again. I asked myself, why do I need to trouble others when I can deal it myself. What are the outcome? Nothing could anyone do to make all the pain go away. I kept telling myself, Ricky, you could do this. Just have to hold on.  Sinking into Gwyneth Paltrow's Coming Home, I find a little strength in it. I love how the lyrics put itself. And When I took sometime off to rest and watch a movie Waters For Elephant. The last thing the Jacob says in the end was " I am coming Home"

I know somehow I tried to keep myself feeling neutral all the time. Somehow I know there is a soul out there would feel something out of it. But sometimes, I was too tired to hold on to that. I know when you read this you gonna like chopped me into pieces. But all I would say is you know me. I am the same Ricky you knew. I couldn't possibly want anything from you. I know you will always be there for me.I know maybe many would not understand why and how, but one day you will. One day...