Certainties Fades

Where do we go from here?

This isn't where we intended to be

We had it all, you believed in me

I believed in you

Certainties disappear

What do we do for our dream to survive?

How do we keep all our passions alive,

As we used to do?

Why are you at my side?

How can I be any use to you now?

Give me a chance and I'll let you see how

Nothing has changed

Deep in my heart I'm concealing

Things that I'm longing to say

Scared to confess what I'm feeling

Frightened you'll slip away

You must love me

Whenever I listen to this song, maybe it is because I am close to what the character was in. It was certainly being in love with a heavy heart. I wonder sometimes, is it because of this I try not to feel that much? Or should I say the passion that was burning within. Many times, when you are in love, what do you feel? Looking back at the lyrics. That is somehow what being in love is. I do not deny or I am not saying that this is a healthy thing to be. But when you are in love, somehow that is how you feel. Yes, with the part that life is, we certainly enjoy the beauty part of it. But we tend to look pass that hard part. I don't know. Maybe that was part of how I screw up a beautiful marriage. I know this may be something personal. But just something that really hits me. 

In the lyrics I guess I never knew how does the character feels till I am facing it today. At many points, I know by saying this I am giving a slap in my face. I do push the person I love away whenever I am in a bad position. I know that from time to time, I should be getting use to it considering it is 7 years now. But till the moment I met Mr D again. I felt nothing I am going through in me could compare to what he is going through. I know somehow we are very much alike but yet very different. Whenever we are in our own world, we just tend to get sucked into this black hole that no one ever see. Somehow, I guess because of this, I wanna be there at all times. But in so many ways, I felt helpless whenever I am sick again. It was like yesterday. But I am glad he is alright.  

And at the chorus of the song. I guess Arakin San will be slapping me non stop whenever I say this. I know your effort and I know all the beautiful things you have inspired me. But just sometimes, at down points, I am also like you in that way. But I am not as strong as you are to face it in many ways. Yes I do find that that it is hard. It is not because I refuses to change. But I do not wanna deny the fact I am just the way I am. I am not saying it is a very healthy thing. But I did try to change. But in the end, I was more miserable. I don't wanna end up at my death bed knowing I didn't gave my all to make myself happy. In many way, I know you guys would understand. 

What's wrong with me with songs and emotions nowadays. I need to post more commercial stuff. Sorry for filling in so much emotional post these days. This is just something I wanna share.