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Saturday, December 24, 2011

You Are Not Alone.

I was diagnosed with stage 3 Colon Cancer in February of 2006. I had suffered for many years with pain in my abdomen along with bouts of diarrhea and constipation. I did not ignore my symptoms. I made lots of visits to doctors who told me that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome caused by stress. When bleeding started, I was referred to a specialist in stomach pain. He did a flexible sigmoidoscopy and ordered a barium enema. Both exams were normal. Even though my symptoms continued, no one repeated the tests. No one suggested a colonoscopy.

Fourteen months after the barium enema was performed, my colon became completely blocked by cancer. It had reached beyond the colon into the lymph nodes. It had spread into my abdomen. My surgeon didn't recommend chemotherapy, but I chose to have it.

I was in a fog for a while. With the help of my friends and the prayers of the rest of my family, I started my fight. I talked to a psychologist about "visual imagery," a way to try to get my mind to help my body heal itself. I talked to the psychologist also about relaxation. I tried to stay focused on making the cancer go away. In order to do this, I had to get my anger and worry behind me and get to work.

Six months after the first surgery and five rounds of chemotherapy later, I went back to surgery to reverse the colostomy they had done the first time. The surgeons could not find any remaining evidence of the cancer. I continued the full course of chemotherapy, which was 12 months. The pain was not human bearable. If those who wanted to view the video, do send me an email. I would share it out. This is not to make fear grow. But to inspire you guys that I have made it. You can too.

Now years later, I need to let the world know what happened to me and to make sure that it doesn't happen to others. I'm writing about this to make other people aware of the dangers of failing to find colon cancer in its early stages. I almost died 6 years ago from a disease that I did not ignore but that the medical profession did not investigate enough. I was too young; I had no family history; I was under stress and on antidepressants for many years. Because of that, doctors dismissed my symptoms too easily. If you have any symptoms of colon cancer, please insist on a colonoscopy as well as the other diagnostic tests.

I am very grateful for my life. I also live in fear every day that the cancer will come back. I haven't yet learned to relax and just live. I am on constant watch for signs. I never seem to rest. I got the courage today on Christmas itself as I am still hoping I would overcome this. And I wanna inspire other more unfortunate souls to remind them, even we don't talk about it doesn't mean we are not there. You are not alone.

Believe me, don't tell me you are not afraid. I am still scare every day and night fearing. But I am blessed to have friends and family to help me out which sometimes I deny of it. I wrote a song recently as a favour of a friend call drown. It has been going over and over in my mind. Honestly, I got no idea where did that courage to standing strong came from when I realise I am just a normal soul who is still fearing everyday. Looking back, all the pain was unbearable, and the bleeding made my spirit weak. I never wanted to write this post but after seeing so many who are living in denial, I need to take the first step. Fear will always be there. But all you need to do is reached out. The biggest mistake I have ever done was pushing everyone away. I am just lucky that even thou I pushed them away, they kept coming back for me. 

To my friends, angels and family, I am still in the cold darkness but thanking all of you being patient with me. Thank you for holding me again. I will not complaint my pain as I know the pain was even deeper than mine. I am thankful and to those out there, keep your spirit strong. I am here like you. All you need to do is let your hand out. They will be there. If there isn't anyone, PM me here and I will reach to you. A promise I make to you all. 

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~