Pain No. 3

This post is not an open post. Some readers that I don't wish for them to read will not able to see this.
I beg to those who are able to see this please do not simply share this. I thank you for this.

On Christmas day, I took American Airlines from Miami back to New York.
What happen was on arrival on JFK, on AA Boeing B757, my whole lungs collapse and I totally black out.
When I woke up, My lungs has being punctured with a tube. I will not elaborate how does it feels like but to those that know, below is the size of the tube.

Literally breathing for me is painful. In a side that wanted to be strong,  I need the balance. After my friend past away on Christmas eve, Marcus, I saw the sight that I was hiding  from. When Charles broke down in tears beside Marcus, I knew it was my time to take my journey alone. I have said my goodbye at last.
I know his pain was even more but I know this is the best for both.

Now lying here is as a reflection of what happened years ago.
All the machines and tubes all around, and when Kel hold me, she just turn to me and kissed my forehead and say,

You are doing the right thing. You still have me.

It is like a hollow in between my chest, I feel so empty. This feels so familiar. But I knew it is not right to hold on longer. It is time to just let it go. With all that had happening around. It shows that the destination is not the same any more. My hands should just set him free. I knew that this  will not ends will if I still held on. I need to be strong enough to just let go. Love is not a feeling of greed I wanted. It should be mutual. My choice for my life.

I have to stop here. I do not wanna end this year with tears like I did last year. It will be a strong hold with love. Like Kel says, I still have her. I will not cry anymore after this. The tears will stop.
For Aung Lang Syne.


The journey will continue. It always will.