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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Pain No. 2

In many ways I really wish I could even deny the pain I am having now with the awesomeness vibe around me. But I couldn't hold it any longer. I kept walking around the house looking for ways to deal with all the pain that I am going through. How can I stop all of this. Wishing to cry out but I can't do a single thing with it. How can I stop bleeding. How can I stop all the excruciating sensation and make it away.

I can't focus on my writing. I can't focus on anything. The whole place has filled with pain. Where can I go? What can I do? Can anyone help me. I would trade anything at all for this to stop. Lying down couldn't make me better. Standing up could not stop it as well. Stuffing bars and bars of chocolates to keep me happy doesn't seems work as well. I wanted it to stop now. Please stop. Does anyone hear me? Does anyone see me? At this point, I regret flying back here to Boston alone.

The snowstorm outside at 3.12am made me even worst. Memories of the past haunts me. Will I resort to morphine, heroin? NO~ Rick, Hold on there. You will be alright. You have come so far. Just a little more I tell myself. Just a little more.

Drowning myself with Tuning Page's Album. I still stand on my wish this Christmas. All I wish for Christmas is just all the pain to go away. Holding myself on the couch and looking at the cold winter outside. My heart is as cold as it is. I refrain myself from calling Mr D, calling Mr SCS or anyone else that matter. I know only myself could hold myself now. And a sudden thought of you still living in hell alone a thousand miles away. I held my tears and say, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT SOON. Rick, you just need to go through you decision. You will not regret doing all this alone. Let it bleed, let the pain flow, acknowledge it and it will just be a sensation. You live for love. Love is the only thing that keeps me going. and I will go on.

I don't need anyone to hold me now. You are strong enough to do this. It will be all over.It will.
Everything will be alright. You can hold on to yourself Ricky. You can.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~