I can't focus on my writing. I can't focus on anything. The whole place has filled with pain. Where can I go? What can I do? Can anyone help me. I would trade anything at all for this to stop. Lying down couldn't make me better. Standing up could not stop it as well. Stuffing bars and bars of chocolates to keep me happy doesn't seems work as well. I wanted it to stop now. Please stop. Does anyone hear me? Does anyone see me? At this point, I regret flying back here to Boston alone.
The snowstorm outside at 3.12am made me even worst. Memories of the past haunts me. Will I resort to morphine, heroin? NO~ Rick, Hold on there. You will be alright. You have come so far. Just a little more I tell myself. Just a little more.
Drowning myself with Tuning Page's Album. I still stand on my wish this Christmas. All I wish for Christmas is just all the pain to go away. Holding myself on the couch and looking at the cold winter outside. My heart is as cold as it is. I refrain myself from calling Mr D, calling Mr SCS or anyone else that matter. I know only myself could hold myself now. And a sudden thought of you still living in hell alone a thousand miles away. I held my tears and say, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT SOON. Rick, you just need to go through you decision. You will not regret doing all this alone. Let it bleed, let the pain flow, acknowledge it and it will just be a sensation. You live for love. Love is the only thing that keeps me going. and I will go on.
I don't need anyone to hold me now. You are strong enough to do this. It will be all over.It will.
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| Everything will be alright. You can hold on to yourself Ricky. You can. |
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