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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Safe And Sound

The gloomy nights of autumn, the breeze was cold and lovely. I was on my way back home. It has been a tiring and eventful day for me. I made myself a promise to set my priorities right. But after all the achievements today, yet I felt that emptiness within. I should get used to all these emotions I told myself. But somehow I was being attacked yet again by all these. I was in the tube while I was pushing all these away. I took up my phone, and I actually text TK. I wished that he is still here. Minutes went by and nothing. I thought that I just gotta live with it.

As I put my phone back into my pocket, TK replied. 
Location? Be at the station. I'm on my way to pick you up. Hold on there.
I replied and got off the next station. As bad as I know these wasn't right, I knew I couldn't do it myself. The least the thought that TK never take my sickness as something to be noticed. My mind was just blank. I couldn't think of anything at all. Weather it was right or wrong, nothing seems matters. 20 minutes later, TK came along. He helped me up from my chair and into his car. We didn't even say anything at all. I kept the silence going. Once he was in the car, I looked at him, I just couldn't help it. My tears just came tearing down. TK held me close and say : It doesn't matter. At least you still got me around. I know. I know what that song meant to you. I heard and I knew. I was waiting and hoping you would need my company.

I didn't say anything. Driving towards East of the city, it was just silence. TK grab my hands, but I held it away after a while. It didn't felt right, but he pull my hands over again. And I let it be. He is someone who meant so much to me. And yet, I don't ever want him to feel used. We had this conversation in the past. Even he didn't mind at all but it never felt right. I remembered when I told him we gotta stop what we were doing, he didn't want it to. TK is a strong player kinda guy. To him, it doesn't meant anything whenever he was with others. But when he was with me, we were two connected. We both felt the same way, it wasn't anything romantic but the chemistry between two souls we just right. He didn't wanted to tie down me or even himself. At one point we both cherish that chemistry and let it lead on. Until I felt it wasn't right for me to keep doing so. I still remembered the last time when at the same position that we are now, He felt broken. For the first time I saw his tears. And all he said to me was I was selfish to take away part of him away without even telling him why. The reason of me doing him right by not continue sleeping with him wasn't acceptable to him. He didn't wanted any labels, he didn't wanted anything from me. All he wished for was the company.

Through out the journey home, non of us talked. He held me up and help me back on my chair. I am just tired I suppose after all the emotions turmoil that I was hiding away from. He place was just the same as it was a year back. Small cozy and homey. He held me again towards the small beanbag like bed near the fire place. Yet, this time, it was him who was holding me. It was a long time. It was usually me sitting behind him and hold him close to my chest. But till now, no one break the silence. I really appreciate TK. He understood everything that is going through me. Sitting there, the touches of our skins were like silks flowing through waters. It felt safe and right. Snuggle my head by his neck, he look at me, didn't smile. But I understood what he wanna conveyed. I shut my eyes feeling the warm fire burning around us. His fingers locked around mine. At that moment hence, nothing really matters to any of us. We were home. We were safe and sound. It was only one night. But one night that cling the past over the future. The emptiness vanished, not just for me, but the both of us.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~