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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Talk The Talk But Could I Walk The Walk?

Lying on the bed the whole day. I was really thinking about the things I have said in the past. But sometimes, I believe many will agree with me that could we do what we encourage others or consoling them? I talk on a great honour but could I really take up that what I have said? I am not really sure.

Somehow being here doesn't help me at all. I know this is inevitable but what else can I do? The negativity is flowing through me and I am helpless. The more I stay the more my thoughts runs wildly. Back to the topic, somehow an honest answer NO, I can't do it at this moment. Sometimes, I felt I am trying so hard to let them in. Yes I felt better with the support and encouragement. But the burden flows in. I will always still the the burden. At points, I really feel like just do what I do best. - Disappear.

Yes many of you after reading this will even hate me even more. But it is just an honest confession. I really wish I never needed to do this. In many ways, I felt guilty. Guilty of keep pushing a friend that needed is a little care and love. I know that the society issue is something that needed time and education to change. But I have been harsh. I was being inconsiderate.The intention of it wasn't bad. But I didn't really stand in his shoes to say anything. I stood at my own point of view. I officiate my apology publicly here. I wasn't thinking on your stressed that you were facing. I didn't really felt your pain. But I wanted you to know I didn't meant any harm.

With now on my own, where my road will lead? Honestly, I do not know. I am now at a cross road. And I can't decide. Yet decision is to be made. The only question left was when will it be? I don't know. Time will tell. I really am embarrassed with what my actions were. I talk a great talk of acceptance. But I couldn't accept the fact myself. I know, life goes on.

For now, all I prayed for is your wellness. Still waiting for Batman's mail to come. I really wish there is something could do to make this different for. As of myself, decision will be left hanging for the time being. Drained myself out from Kelly's all 5 albums. Looking back at the journey from beginning till this very moment.

But glad somehow I could get things off my mind for a little while. Waiting for my second shot at the moment, trying to let all negativity out. Deep down I always know the only thing I wanted is being well. Living on is a promise. Giving in is unacceptable. I will just have to hold on there till the world begins at the very end. I know I am being loved and cared for. But some what still afraid of the unknown.

And today on facebook. people are starting to post on valentines day. The one I really fear for. Going into the third year, will I able to overcome it this year? I don't know. I tried last year but failed. I do not know will I even wanna try this year. Lets keep the option open shall we? For now, I am still feeling the failure of giving hope. A hope when I myself wasn't able to do it myself. Maybe after my rest I will be alright. Lets see how it goes. Heading off to bed again soon. Maybe I am purely tired.


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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~