Dreams

For the past few days, the only thing I was doing repeatedly was sleeping. I somehow realize I miss sleeping so much. For only one reason. - Dream.

I somehow find dreaming kinda exciting. Things that you are not able to do in real life, you can seems to do in dreams. Tend to be in control over the crazy things. When you dream about something, some place or someone you dislike, you can make it change. Change the place, change the person into something else. It's like being your own director in your own movie. How fun can that be? Awesome isn't it!!!

The one I really think which is extremely funny dream was days ago. Because we were all boys in the family, I dreamed about mommy was preggers. And she given birth to this beautiful baby alien girl! She looks normal like every kid. Not like big head or blue or something. Just that she would grow from an infant to a 2 year old kid in just hours. Want makes it more funny was she was extremely bossy! I thought I was a bitch. But she was even a bigger one compare to me. And the freaky part was, she has an assistant. It was my son - Geneboy (My Pincher) and he walks with his two hind legs and was bossing around with her! I wish I could remember the conversation. Because I laugh till I actually woke up and people look at me at this very weird face.

But there are also dreams that I couldn't control at all. I was actually writing a post about it earlier last night. But somehow I got too emotional and delete it. How stupid right? So it teaches me one little lesson never write when you are irritated or not in a good mood. Somehow I am fearing of losing someone who I care. I was furious about how the society actually see and having perceptions about public illness. I realize yesterday the damage has gone way beyond what I can manage to fix it in one life time. The aftermath of it. Somehow those that suffer from all this social illness even see themselves as a threat and a problem.

Honestly, I was sadden by it. Not just because only the person I cared for reacts this way. But the cause was way damaged. I was naive enough thought I would bring warmth and security to them. But the fact was no matter how hard we try sometimes, I tend to forget how bad they were scared! And scar stays. But no matter how bad the fact is, I will not give up! I need a plan. Education is the most important thing now. Educating the public to understand what are the risk and what are the ways all this could possibly be.

To the person I meant to be. You know I am talking about you here. I really never see you in that eyes. I know the risk and understand the pain you are going though. But you have to start letting yourself see yourself in another way. Yes you are sick now, but you are denying yourself a normal life. For those that understands in an out of the risk and how does it works, I know how lonely you are at times. When you say you couldn't take that overwhelming emotions that everyone is happy, because you look at yourself differently. You really need to see you are not different than us. Just that you have an extra thing to take care of at the moment to be well in the future. There isn't just 20 years for you. There will be 30,40 and many to come.I know you do. But you gotta stop denying yourself that. I really did see you for only you and nothing else. To those who really cares and love you, it is really painful for us to see you this way. I know we will never understand how you are feeling but you need to give us that chance. I am asking for you to give yourself that chance. I said it earlier, I will try to stand in your shoe. But you kept pushing everyone away. Think about it.We just wanted you to be around to share life with us. But do you wanna share yours? It is your call. I am not going to force you. But I will stand here to wait for you to decide. But I will never gonna give up on this fight for you. Because to me, you are worth it. You too have your dreams. I really want you to see you are able to do so. There is nothing to lose. Dream the dream and live the dream. You know you can always count on me to be by your side without judgement, without pretence and without giving up on you. And yes, you didn't ask me to do this. I want it myself.