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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Fear No.1

This word did seems kinda scary at times. That is why it is called fear. In many ways, everyone lives in fear. No matter how much they wanna deny it. We still live with it. But what do fear really brings to us and how it affects us in life. I know mine did a great job till all are dead worried about me.

In many ways, I always fear of losing. Losing the people I care and love, losing the thing or person that means most to me. I kinda grew up with it but I still fear. But after being given a pep talk by Mr D. Today, I know that running away from it won't help me much.

Honestly, I asked myself this. What more do I fear? Having a total change in life, a change in my circle of friends, a change in my future doings, and a change in my life style. I literally shouldn't be afraid anymore. Starting off last year when I met my angel Andrew again. After kicking the habit and so on. Everything has change tremendously. I group of friends who wants nothing outta me but the best of my wellness. Those who truly love me for Who I am. Expected nothing but the best of my life and wanted me to be happy.

Seeing on how they put in that much effort to celebrate my birthday in Singapore with me. Yes, of all places. But they were supportive and them were giving me all the reason to stand strong facing my fears. Mr D, he was the most forgiving and accepting person I have ever come across. Even at points where I am down and low, even with everything he is facing in life, he never even show a single point to be weak. From courage to supportive. I am literally filled with love and so much care in life. But what do io fear?
A past.

Sometimes, a past are meant to be a past. But some of us, like myself, live in it in a way. Not about the painful stuff or how me being mistreated in life by those who never really cherish me for who I am, but to those that really cared for and loving me. Somehow I was still punishing myself. I would never really face all this if Mr D didn't talk bout this. Yes I was still running away. But for me to move forward, to have a real life with someone I love and care, I have to forgive myself for all the stupid and childish things io have done. In what Andrew did tell me before. Who doesn't do mistakes? Who doesn't done wrong in life? What matters is how we are planning to move forward in life from here.

Fears is always a living part of all of us. And now, after that long talk, I guess the only way for me to able to move on is facing it. But one step at a time. At least I know I am trying hard to make this change for my future and for the better. I take this post as a promise to myself. Make this change. And without all of the beautiful souls I have in life now, I will never be this man I have become.

Signing off good night with a grateful gratitude

Ricky.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~