Hope, Faith, Love, Warmth.

When this four words appear. I assume many would this that this is another post about some cheesy love story? Then I would let down my readers. But on a bigger view, this is dedicated for someone who is important in my life at this moment. At times in life, I get fear of losing. The fear that you would not wanna fight any more. The fear of not having you here any more. But at times like this, you were giving me back a big smile while I was suppose to be strong for you. Honestly, the things you have told me, touches me. Somehow you reminded me that I am also a lay man like everyone and it is ok to let go and let someone in.

Everything that you do now is way beyond what others did. In many ways, you reflect back the things I wanna do in life. I have your support when I was running away. You pull me back into reality and insisted that it was ok for me giving the chance for someone to care. I was an asshole in many ways building up all those walls around. I was living in fear. The fear of not having you bitching around twitter or facebook. Or your constant call just wanna hear that I am alright. I guess that from a call you knew my voice wouldn't able to hide what am I going through. At point in life that I have known of ways to keep myself from getting hurt, but you shown so much initiative despite of what hardship you are facing in this moment. You totally slap me with my own words today. And by saying this I am not trying to be Glinda, but now I know how does it feel whenever I say something like that. It shows so much hope, faith, love and warmth. I know now how it feels like being on the other end.

I know that now lying here on this bed sucks to the max but getting well day by day, and getting hope and love every single day from all of you means so much. When I was down earlier, all my angels came with warm words of encouragement. Nell, Cornflakes, Andrew, Kelly, and even Adam called. Putting on more hopes for me to be strong. And not to mention Mr D himself was being the stronger one than me. For the first time I felt it was ok to let people in. There are no such things as jinx. They love me and cared for me as much as I do. Even Andrew talks like me now! I think the cow family bond is growing really strong.

One particular thing that hits me was Nell told me about its ok to have others serving as a reminder. In her exact words, She said this.

it's usually quite normal for ppl to worry and give out negative vibes when something bad happens...it's not easy but i believe that it'll help if we were to look the other way and put in more hope and positivity. we all need each other as reminders...i am sure you'll be my reminder when i need it there is a time and place for everything...even in life and death

It struck me at that very moment that there are so much we can be and do. An awesome thing that would bring us all together. I now understand that love, isn't about what you wanted for yourself. But for the best of each other. That is what that completes me. I have all of you in life and what more do I need to keep myself going? Nothing any more that I can think of. I know my priority in life and what I wanna do. This is an awesome year for me to give back. Thankful to have Mr D and my Big 3 and Nell. You were all awesome edition in my life. Not forgetting a new family member in the Cow family who thinks he is born to speak Japanses~ By the way, if you are reading this, Kelly literally ignore that fact when I told her that. She still think you should start to Moo before leaning other languages.

I know these few days is a low point for me. I am coping with what I am facing now but I know all is well. I learn that now, it is ok to fear, but love will prevails. (Quoted Exact words from Andrew) Signing off for the night. Good night everyone.

Lotsa Love

Ricky