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Saturday, January 7, 2012

Pain No. 4

Of all the time, my old friend - Pain, decided to come back for a visit.
I know first things first Cornflakes will be worry dead about me. But I am well.
No excessive bleeding yet at the moment. Just some slight bleeding. It comes and goes. That makes it very irritating. I know that even the slightest irritation question if appear on facebook I will definitely snap. I haven't been able to sleep well last night. And for god's sake, I am writing this post at 5.32am now.
I wanted to get home so bad. Very bad actually.
I was really anticipating for this. Sometimes, I wonder why whatever I do in life. Nothing comes smooth.
Does it ever accured to me that I don't wanna do this any more? Yes, all the time. But a promise is made to my angels. I know somehow I gotta continue doing what I do. Even how hard the road may be, I still have to continue going down this road. But if there is a higher power, I would just ask for something. Please spare me some mercy. I am really really tired and all I wanted is some peace. Please let me not bare this any more.
Whatever flows into me now, plus the loneliness of the night. Knowingly the person I love is far away from me.
What can I do? what can I do to make myself better? I kept telling myself no more crying this year. It will be a great year for me. But suddenly just few hours time, the sensation of excruiating pain brought me down.
How can I ever do anything? People will see this as a weak link of mine. I have so much more to do. I just set up St. James Foundation.  I need to be there to witness the greatness of what this will do to make a difference to those who suffer. Every single minute, I know they are being tortured mentally and emotionally. What would be my physical pain meant? Nothing at all. I know no where near I would stand close to their pain.
But why am I feeling so vulnerable? why am I feeling do down? Looking around wanted to know who is there. Just me and myself beside the fireplace. Still the emptiness lingers around. With all I have done, I am just a puppet holding on a smile to cheer the world. Looking at the fire dancing around, the Cheezle box untouched. I sink into my own mist of depths. Lingering into my own realms of darkness. Knowingly waiting for a sunrise that will never come. Left alone.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~