Love
Love is the emotional attachment in a relationship. Love is the sincere feeling of affection and devotion that you have for your partner. It is a deep, profound, and pure emotion that does not sway easily. Love is an emotion that can take years to build up and can only be felt for someone you hold dear. Never being able to measure with time.
Lust
And then there is lust. Lust can be felt towards anybody with a sufficient amount of sexual appeal. Lust is so sensual in it's raw nature of being and can be formed instantly. It is a strong, excessive craving for sexual intimacy that can be difficult to control. It is probably lust if sex is the main basis of your relationship. Can't keep your hands off each other? Is sex the only thing that you look forward to with this person? It is probably lust. A relationship founded on lust will only last as long as the two people involved are sexually attracted to one another; this can wear with the measure of time.
Sometimes it's not easy to just take the courage And face the fact we are in pain and living in a stinking world that no one really care how much you are when you have nothing. I would say this is a majority that everyone feel and going through in life. But I have to say I'm blessed with all the wonderful friends around me. Every time when I am in pain or facing trouble times, friends will always be at my side physically or mentally. All beautiful souls that I'm surrounded with.
But looking at the issue most are facing. Let's address what's really happening in the gay society all around the world. Lust and love. This are commonly being confused by the society. I mean looking back around the world. What are the usual first thing that comes across a human mind? Sex! But how many of us refrained from doing something which sometimes leads to what they so call love? How many gay guys around now would be celibate? Being celibate for a certain time frame. Common. I may even offend many of my readers here by saying this. Non. Even me, I fail sometimes. But where does that leads me? A few heart breaks. Until I learn it from the hard way. I was turmoil into the depths of my own. Couldn't face the fact I destroyed everything I ever wanted. I was even being numb by the usage of drugs. Isolated myself from reality. It sucks honestly. I mean being so low at that point in life, I wonder why did I do so? The lack of courage to face my fears. Till recently.
I have laid down my own rule for myself to be discipline enough to avoid what I have gone though in the past. For now, it's been a successful 3 months. Chosen of being celibate not because of just being having it random sex. But to know the fact I should change myself if I wanted something the same from others. But what am I seeking? Many may ask. Many may even says I'm stupid. But what I wanted is just to find that special someone to love a d being love for who I am. And yes.. Without sex involve at the very beginning. Many may ask, what is the point here. Eventually sex would be the thing that for sure is happening. I never deny this point. But if this point starts, sex would always be the issue. Common, lets face it. If you really would love someone, tell me you are ok with them sleeping with someone else. Or to say even can accept the fact you may not feel the slightest jealousy? If the answer is yes you feel nothing at all, then, you never really love someone ever in your life. The most common thing in the gay society is "Open Relationship" To me, this is a fucked up term. Just another excuses to indulge with lust. I am not discriminating the gays here. As for the straight couple it is the same.
My question is, I wouldn't say all but most people asking the question "is there true love?" My answer is YES. Maybe in many ways, people may think no. Why no? Because you got hurt? And it hurts so bad and you don't wanna go through it again? Why do we have to fear? Yes, I don't deny the fact that it hurts real bad. I isolated myself with drugs numbing myself for the past 21months. And I realize I was a coward. And the fact was it wasn't my first break up. I have been hurt many times too. But I believe in love. For now, I do not know that is this the one that will not hurt me. But I am taking that chance to find out. The sole mistake I did on my previous relationship was I was punishing my love for my ex's mistake. And I myself wasn't discipline enough. In the end, I hurt the person I love and I hurt myself. We as humans, we always ask that why does it not have the return I wanted? Why and why and why. This will keep going on and on. But when you stop asking why and start to learn to give and forgive. Without expectation. Things will change. People around you will change. You will see friends that stays around you are not those who wanted something from you. They are true friends. The ones that stays. Even for the love that comes to you. Its nothing about lust. The men or women that is in your life. They are the people who will wake up beside you every morning. Not those you go to bed at nite with only. But the one that kisses you good night and a beautiful morning kiss. Just wanted to show how much they love you. I was stupid enough to destroy what I use to have. But now, after paying my dues, I know the person I am with now is that person. Lust turns into love. Nothing erotic. Just pure love. I have my reasons why I am staying celibate. No reason to explain. But what I wanted to share was there are so much love in the world. It is just sad to see one and another and another and another couple complicates this.
But purely its just my own views. My ending of this post was kinda controversial before this. But I talked to Mr D, and he pointed out a few things. After taking note and knowingly how would still be as honest and not offending anyone, the conclusion is everyone has their own rights to choose what they believe. But this is what I believe. I love the one that love me back. Everyone has their own reasons to make up for. But if that is the reason. Will we able to bear with the consequences? For my cause and what my heart tells me. It is all worth a try. If I don't try, I will never know what the answer may be. Gladly I would just do my part every day with what I could. I know to whom my heart loves and sometimes,being or not with someone. It gives you the perfect answer to all above question asked.
Signing off at 35000 feet above sea level.
Heading home reunite with my love one.
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