Acceptance Ain't Understanding

Second post of the year. After constantly attacked by sore throat, flu, cough, diarrhea, and being nauseated all the time, I am starting to get the grip. Thankful that I didn't catch the bug while I was in India. So before I will post my post trip summary, just something that caught my attention that I wanna blog about. The least I know this is a safe place for me to express myself without being judge. Hahaha..

Anyhow it really ain't about me. It is about my cousin sister. I met her recently. The day I landed to be exact with my uncle and aunt. So, the only thing I was really hearing about in the past was that they are so worried about my sister. Saying that she isn't well, she wasn't doing ok, she was being possessed and bla bla and bla bla bla.. There is a saying that says there is two sides of every story. True enough!

The only thing I really see in my sister was one thing - Insecurity. But non seems to see that issue. Instead, the only thing I see was kept hoping that things will turn out their way. I am not saying that my uncle and aunt are lousy parents. It is just that they seems to over see the problems that my sister is facing. She is skinny and all she kept repeating was weight lost. How to get that kg down. Somehow, it really reflects part of me while I was a drug addict last 2 years. When I was skinny, I will still think that I was fat. No one seems to get it into my mind no matter what they say. When I was skinny, the focus will still go straight to that little inch left on my belly. Even that time, my waist line was at 28.

Not to say I am proud of that but it is just the way we accept how things are. The thing is that they accept the fact that my sister is somehow not well. But the understanding of what is wrong or where is the problem isn't there. The thing that  went on my mind was how are they suppose to help her if they don't even understand how is she really doing? Depression isn't something new to the society. Seeing a psychiatric doctor isn't a big deal. I remember when I destroyed my relationship with the one person who really see me for who I am, and drugs didn't really help me as well, I was a mess. But somehow talking to a psychiatric doctor somehow help me in many ways. If it isn't so, I would still be a drug addict somehow till very day.

But the thing with acceptance and understanding, it is two very similar yet different things. Like myself, I know my parents accepted the fact I am gay. But for my dad, I realize he didn't really understood being gay isn't something that we could possibly choose. It isn't a culture, it isn't lifestyle. My dad teaches tuition on his free time now since he retired. But on few occasions, I realize he was teaching the wrong thing about being gay. I wanted to tell him that it isn't the exposure of culture or lifestyle but I didn't do a thing. Didn't wanna create more issues between me and him. But the thing is, we are born this way. But I know I am asking too much. Being accepted who I am is already a blessing to me. But I am not gonna deny, it would mean the world to any gay person out there if their love ones really understood that. I know that it ain't easy. I recall those sleepless nights worrying about how would my family react. Mostly to my dad that time cuz somehow my mom is still that crazy beautiful soul who is open to a lot of things in life. I know it is crazy. But a lot of people I saw in the past, who came out to their family and somehow ended up with a heart breaking story. I knew that my family love me but wasn't sure will they still do if I told them the truth of my sexuality that point. Again, I am blessed. Yet again, we are humans. We always wanted more. But we are born to survive all these difficulties in life. Somehow, every time I see my dad surfing gossips and political nonsense, I do wish sometimes he really were there surfing and try to find out and understand that what or how a person could be gay. I did try to post many times about that it isn't about lifestyle and choices for the LGBT. But it just never happen. But still, I am thankful for the acceptance they have shown to me. Maybe one day, he could really understood what sexual orientation is.

Anyhow, I still don't get it why I am talking about myself instead of my cousin. Hahaha... But yeah, I guess that she really needs someone who really could see her for who she is. Honestly, I really wish I could somehow help her. But I know that person ain't me. Her walls are high up. And her insecurities is one thing that she have to overcome. If not, no one could possibly get to her. But I will still find ways to help her. Somehow, I felt do feel what she feel about herself. Just wish that the people she wishes to understand her would see what I saw. Anyway, heading to bed early! Don't really wanna get sick again. Gotta get well and get ready for my birthday bash! My last year in the twenties. Good night y'all.