From time to time, everyone of us tend to live in a sorta fantasy world. I know at least I do. Guess with what is going on with my body, I find peace when I am asleep and in my own dream world. But it has come to the attention that it might be a little dangerous for me stated by my doctor.
When I am in pain these few days, I have been given morphine shots. I am not saying that is a good thing. But the least, I am free from worldly pain. When I am awake, I started to request for sleeping pills. I didn't realize this myself at first till my doctor came to me and tell me this.
I didn't tell him why actually. But I know myself, being asleep and being able to dream, is one of those peace I was longing for. I guess it is just one of my days. Constant pain attacks. Being in the ward than in my own bed, and having meds as my staple meal. But when I am asleep. I could really live that life that I could. Not being able to be afraid if I don't have my meds with me, not being able to cope with the pain if I am out in the public. Eat what so ever I wanted. Drink whatever I could. And the part of not being alone.
I am not saying that I am alone of I feel that all the time. But at points to points, I have to be alone. Part of being treated, I wouldn't have visitors. Mostly is to prevent from infection. And also it is partly me for not wanting to face reality. I know that reality sucks and there isn't anything I could change about it. But then, when I started to sleep and when I was in my dream, it was vivid. It was surreal. It was the only place that I find no fear, no pain, and no anxiety.
But yet, In ways, I think I am a little over indulging. But how could I give in the chance to find what I am looking for. Am I being obsessed? I think so. But could this just go on for a little longer? I don't know. Maybe it is time to be back in reality.
I didn't tell him why actually. But I know myself, being asleep and being able to dream, is one of those peace I was longing for. I guess it is just one of my days. Constant pain attacks. Being in the ward than in my own bed, and having meds as my staple meal. But when I am asleep. I could really live that life that I could. Not being able to be afraid if I don't have my meds with me, not being able to cope with the pain if I am out in the public. Eat what so ever I wanted. Drink whatever I could. And the part of not being alone.
I am not saying that I am alone of I feel that all the time. But at points to points, I have to be alone. Part of being treated, I wouldn't have visitors. Mostly is to prevent from infection. And also it is partly me for not wanting to face reality. I know that reality sucks and there isn't anything I could change about it. But then, when I started to sleep and when I was in my dream, it was vivid. It was surreal. It was the only place that I find no fear, no pain, and no anxiety.
But yet, In ways, I think I am a little over indulging. But how could I give in the chance to find what I am looking for. Am I being obsessed? I think so. But could this just go on for a little longer? I don't know. Maybe it is time to be back in reality.
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