A Sting In The Heart

Everyone will somehow feel this kinda emotions once in a while. And today, it isn't much different for me. So, Barbieland post still gotta be postpone for the time being. Well, this is somehow something that is outta the blue. Honestly, I am feeling helpless. Even though that my medical bills and all I could still handle it myself, but somehow, something is stirring up at home.

I really don't know what is the situation at home to be honest. But I start to sense the tension building up between mom and dad. Honestly, they wouldn't tell me a single thing. To them, I am handling all my medical bills now is already something that they couldn't hope for. Both of them now are retired. But there is something going on. Whenever I am around, they just shut up. Dad even walked out whenever it I was there. I know nothing much I could do. And I know, here isn't anything I could do to help.

But all these couldn't stop me from wondering. I really wish I could do something. All I am feeling is like a blockage and everything doesn't seems right. I know that I should focus on my health at the moment. But being the eldest it just something that I couldn't runaway from. I know by ranting it out here wouldn't do much good but still, hoping for something that could lessen that burden that I am feeling right now.

I really got no idea what I could do but just sitting here like an idiot feeling helpless. If there is a higher power out there, do you really hear me? There is so much I feel and they say you would feel what I feel. Still, you were a complete mystery to me. I couldn't really help to let the tears flow with me. I just wanted the best for my family, and I really wonder how could I give the best to them when I am at a condition like this. Am I really asking too much?