Beauty Of Pain

I guess these were one of the nights. As things changes, life stood still and looking at you in the eye. To see it in the light of darkness or in the caliginous ray. What will the choices be. At least, that will not be a choice that I will take.

As time flies, everything changes within a blink of an eye. From the bright beautiful stars, to the dark grandeur of space. I felt broken. I felt hopeless. I felt there wasn't a thing that is right. And I kept asking why do I still open my eyes after every opt that I went under. I wish it was easy for me. To just take that only breathe left.

I didn't want it to be this way any more. The silence kept me away. To see the words that hurt my family. To feel that they felt. To be in their shoes. It just tend to push me over the edge. The first 24 hours to be 29, the only thing that kills me is to see my mother smile and kiss me happy birthday. I know how she is inside. It kills her to see me being like this. I kept asking why and when will all these ends.

I miss what is left for me. I miss the part for me to be that man I wanted myself to be. After reading a post from someone I really cared for, Talking about expectations. We are the trapped souls that live with the expectations of what we have set. At that moment, I failed to live up to my own expectations. I let myself fall into this abyss of emotions. And the time left, is wasted on what I have.

The silence is keeping me awake. The mass disturbance of life gets the best of it. I am here, still lying looking around and trying to understand what was it that keeps me bleeding. As life kiss me with the beauty of it, I wish all of it was just another dream. But that wish never seems to be.