For much reasons, I was the only thing left for myself. Letting go and drowning with the melody of Flightless Bird, American Mouth. One of my all time favorite tracks. The quietness of the melody really is something that brought me to the place I needed to be.
I know that I really have nothing to fear. You are here right now. By just seeing you fallen asleep while I loop the song and blogging about this post. Somehow, the peacefulness is really overwhelming for me. In a good way.
Whatever that lies ahead for me, does it really matter in anyways? I guess everything that I was going through on the past few weeks, I really didn't wanna think on how things are or should be. Being to live in the moment and the now that is what matters to me. I know it isn't ideal at all to be this way. But what else can do? Choices are always a luxury that I couldn't afford. But I ain't complaining anything.
Where does this lead us from here? Or what is it in for us? I guess all these questions were just mere questions that I have stopped asking a long time ago. And being ti walk a path on the edges, somehow it felt hat really nothing much I can hold on to. From friends to anything that is around me. The only thing that is always unchanged in my life is Zombie, Mr G, Rainer and Meerkat CS. What else is really left out there? It is just a mere come and go.
Pain that you will easily brush off because you never learn that even sharing help eases the sting. If you can overcome it, probably because you did it alone. But situation and people are different. The hostility in dealing with such fragile matters has cause more tears un-cried that you could never imagine because you don't believe in it. You don't believe in him. Then you will never believe in the thick and thin, better and worse that could happen together. Staying together. Being together and living together
It is hard to get by. It really is but I know that at the end - there is nothing to lose but just mere nostalgic moments, warmth and chance to shower love. To me, that is important. I rather not have it, if it means just living by someone's settling cause, someone else's rules because when you get together, it is about us. No longer about the single battles you won or can win.
Because to learn to love is the greatest gift you can bestowed onto another. Changing their life, yours and together forever.