Some reasons that was clearly the more you were here, it gets harder to let go. The things you wanted was nothing I could give. And the insanity will drives us into a state of black. Maybe I just need to know how to go on from here. But the more I wanted to try, I felt like I was breathing under water. Every gulp I take is just excruciatingly painful. I couldn't possibly do anything to make it right. I was just too deep to get out to the surface.
I wanted to keep going from here. I know I wanted to. There are no reasons for me to just give in right now. Here I am across the road, seeing one comes and one goes. Nothing stay still. No matter how I wanted things to go my way, it will never be. Had my 14th dosage today. I am still feeling alright. But the feeling of wanting to go home grows stronger. I just wanted to get out from the life I am in right now and live like everyone else out there.
Well, I guess all this emotions staking up seems to be writing gold to me. The faith always shines and goes. I guess it is a good draft. But just half way through, I end up listening to Levi Kreis and Keith Urban's music. I sometimes just wanted to find something good to compensate with everything that is being thrown at me. Levi has always been a real supportive factor in my music career. Somehow whenever I have the writers block syndrome, his music always helps me to find my way to express. But I am thankful that he really helps me out to make something that was suppose to be a surprise for zombie happen. But turns, out to be an epic failure. Well, at least I have tried to cheer him up somehow.
Anyway, I think I really need to stop my ranting way to blog. Everything seems to be everywhere. But anyhow, will try to be more organize in my next post. All I really am wishing now, is able to get out from be and be in London for a special project. It seems impossible but just a little faith I am holding on still. Well, every recovery sucks right? Nothing I can do about it.
10 more days and I will be facing my own demons again. I am trying not to think about it right now but just I also can't lie to myself. I am who I am right? Guess no point complaining about it. Still one thing I am not facing is what I really am feeling right now. From the beginning of my post till this very paragraph, I am still diverting everything from one place to another. I guess humans are just being build to survive what is being put in front of us. Guess this attempt to face my shadows will have to wait. Oh well, gonna just let it be for now.