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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Obsession

 I know I haven't really written anything personal these few days. Guess what the old saying says. When you don't got anything nice to say...

I know my obsession of passenger airliner and buildings might be a little too many to handle these days. But it is something where I find peace reading and reblogging it. Sometimes, it does takes things off my mind a little. My condition hasn't really improved lately. Just here having my meds and having my treatments.

No point talking about the pain and tiredness that I am going through as in many ways, I knew it will still be there. Somehow, my trip to Sri Lanka, India and Nepal seems far to me now. I don't even know when will I be discharged and my flight back home will be in 2 weeks time.

At many junctions in life, we see that the past sometimes does lingers and bite you back in the ass whenever you think you finally made through it. I remember just a few days ago, I had a sorta like nightmare. At least to me it does. Cuz at some point, I felt like what have I done not to forgive myself for everything that I have done.

The dream was beautifully painful in many ways. It brought me back where we first spent our honeymoon. In Boracay Islands in the Philippines. I remember the white sands and clear waters. Cut short of what really happened there. I remembered the last thing Baby J told me in the dream.
Everything is so beautiful here. Nothing changed much since we last came. Nothing changed but us.
And that point I woke up and I felt like everything isn't right at all. I asked myself many times. Why does all these keep happening. Did I not had my closure? Did I not try to forgive myself? Why does this memory played through again and again?

Maybe it is the meds that kept me this way. Or do I have an unconscious  obsession with my past? In reality, I had let go of everything that I was holding on in the past. But what kept me from this. I really wish I had the answer now. For the time being, I just have to live with this.

4 comments:

  1. Let go doesn't mean the past is just disappear. It still deep down inside your mind.

    Is okay when suddenly it appears again, just bear with it and take it easy. Must Take care =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Shin Yong! Beautifully said.. I guess sometimes it just how we feel about it.. And no doubt, it still hurt a little.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, sometimes...it's the past that makes you - YOU, today.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chen Xing! Why aren't you asleep???? Its really late in Malaysia! But well said.. I think I would agree with you..

    ReplyDelete

 

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~