I don't know it is the cold weather here or I'm just being melancholy tonight. It is 9 degrees now and me lying on my bed blogging on part that I kinda am feeling now. I really couldn't explain why am I feeling so but many fragments of my past kinda flashes right in front of me. At a point 4 years ago, I was thinking these two questions that leads me on to more. Will I end up not being with that person I love, and will we end up hating each other? And the other was will we keep in touch if we were not meant to be together?
The answer was not a yes to both of that questions. I think from that moment I accept that the fact that my own mistakes that drives us apart I stop looking for blame on the end of my relationship. I don't hate baby J. Till now, I guess the right thing to say I never really stopped loving him. But it isn't that way like I never move on. We both moved on well I supposed. But we also never kept in touch. I guess that was the best for both of us.
But in many ways, I am really thankful I had him walk through my life. The part where I really see that life could be kind to me. No, life is kind to me. I feel that I would never learn how to love if he was never there. No matter where we were, no matter how we are, it is like those fragments in life, those beautiful painful memories that made us what we are today. Of course, I do wish to have news on how is he doing and all, but like I say, it's the best for us to be this way round.
Today is also my best friend birthday. And her boyfriend, ( also my bestie since 2005 ) propose to her on her birthday. I saw the whole video and the whole thing went. I guess the part that hit me was when she started to put back the memory of what she had, a lot of things don't really matters anymore. I know that many part of her genuinely felt warmth. I kinda know how all of that meant to her. As much as I wanna be there for her tonight, but I'm 2000 miles away giving all my blessings to her. I'm not gonna talk much about her cuz I know she will be reading this.
But just a big prt of me, being back in Delhi after so long, so much changes here and I guess that is life. No matter hat we do, memories are the only things that stayed on. The world kept moving and so will we eventually. Just a big part of me feeling thankful and turning the pages of my memory, smiling with a little tear that follows.
Lust For Life - Dear Zach, "This song is nice. Who sings it?" He was on his elbow, peeking over my laptop, the scent of post-intense sex was so heavy I could barely breath...
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