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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Excruciating Calmness

Somehow I just couldn't take the pain last night and I called a cab and check myself in the ward. I am thankful to the hospital staff first of all. Everything went super smooth and I was check into my ward within 15 minutes.

What makes it funny was, I had pack two different pair of socks stupidly. But that's out of the point. Honestly I don't know if I should be calling my parents or not. I am yet so far and there ain't anything they could do at this very moment right? And Imma gonna text Mr D after this post.

I really am at a very blurred state actually. Since last night, I didn't even call anyone about me bing hospitalize. At the back of my mind, what could they do even if I call them right? Or in a way I'm just trying to convince myself that everything is gonna be fine. I signed the papers and push the date for my chemo to be done today instead of end of the week.

I am thinking since the pain attacks are so frequent, why not just enjoy the pain in one shot. I know someone would slap me and call me a sadist or something right now if he was reading this. I don't know why, I just don't feel that it is a sad thing or something bad. Or am I just use to it?

I really don't know. I know my lame jokes are still lame. But the thing is I really don't wanna mourn through all these events. There isn't anything I could do to prevent all these from happening, I gotta face at the stage I am, I have nothing to lose right? Or it's the meds talking. Haha.. No idea.

I just want to be at a neutral or happy state when things get outta control. At the the emotions imma going through are the power I had over with. Just trying not to think much about it. At the moment, I'm gonna just enjoy my breakfast and read through some blogs. It's gonna be a good day.



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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~