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Thursday, April 19, 2012

How Will I Know

Listening to Whitney Houston How Will I Know now. Looking for that peace I could find somewhere that I was looking for. Pouring out everything that I have in me ever since last week. I have broken down. In many ways, I couldn't find that part to make myself complete. And when things started to unfold, I find that I was so naive. Believing everything and giving everything I have. In the end, it was just a thing that kills me slowly from inside. This world has feed many with the negativity in life. 

Tonight, I guess was the ultimate let down on my own mistakes that causes a big mess. I know I am the only one to be blame for putting faith in others. I know that now the only thing I could do is just solve everything on my own. But the only question now for me is what is wrong with me? Treating others well while I self destruct? I found out the people that I was protecting and caring for them, all the effort went into the drain. Things that were going on that I didn't know. I was feeling something isn't right. But I kept telling myself that they are alright. But yet again, my senses were right.

I think that the only thing that was really killing me was letting down the person who had tremendous faith in me. I know you have every right to be pissed. You have every single right to be mad. I put your reputation and hard work at stake. When I get your text at the wee hours of the night, I am really speechless and got no idea at all how to answer. Should I say, yes I screwed up and these are the solutions? At the state you are now, I know everything won't be able to convey into. I am really sorry that I let you down totally. 

It is just a week now to show time. I just have one shot. Even they ask me to take leave and take a break from it. How can I do so? Are they ready? Non of them take ownership and being proud of it. Thinking about playing the bass line is a downgrade? Do they even know how important their role is? And I thought with us sitting down and discuss about this was best for all. And still things like who is the one decided on this came across me? I am tired of all this rubbish excuses. I am not gonna mold every single thing that you think that is a problem any more. If this way doesn't work, then the work has to be in my way. The show must go on. 

The only thing that I really let myself into this is I take it too personally and I trust and care too much for others. Even they are not worth for me do give an ounce of love and care. 

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~