Blinded

A question I have been asking myself again and again, sometimes is it enough to have faith at times of peril? I know I don't have that answer. Today was kinda a rough messy one for me. Of all times, my parents decided to head to their holiday home in Penang to visit my younger brother. And of all time, the Indian Ocean was hit but a 8.7 magnitude tremor. Tsunami alarm was raised and of all places to be, my parents will be at Miami Bay. The same place the last Tsunami hit where the 7 people were killed. I was keeping my cool and to calm down and trying to called them. The only outcome was no answer. And my anxiety keeps on attacking me back and forth. 

But I gotta admit, my friends were supportive. Many called and try to make me feel better. I have a rehearsal run to do today with the orchestra. The only thing I could do was to blinded myself with Music. I have to admit I did a pretty good job on that. But my worries stops at 11.45pm when mom called. I literally didn't had the mood to talk to her. I know I need an alteration on my emotions. But I just couldn't help it. 

I am taking some time to blog tonight as I few friends have been calling me to check on my condition. I am well I have to say. Yes, a certain few pain attacks here and there in the night but I am well. I am still having second thought to go back on the same medication I had weeks ago. But I have to start taking it soon. I know I have a few more days to spare to get through with a few minor things on hand. 

In many ways, I do feel kinda like numb to whatever is happening to me recently. Or I should say selective emotions to feel. I am going through time and I wanted to make a few things right. Sometimes, I felt kinda like I have to be strong. I know I wasn't the past few days. I just finish my course of treatment this month. I have reschedule the next after the show. Kinda needed to stay focus. But I will be well. 

Honestly at this moment, I miss you very much. But it is not my own doings to just tell you I do. As we both know this is the only right thing for both of us. I somehow felt extremely low at times when I am alone. I know I will be fine and I am not complaining. Wondering what is your on-goings, or how are you actually feeling at this moment. I felt kinda helpless sometimes. But from time to time, whenever I have news from you, it will always be kinda like... I really don't know how to say this. Argh, forget it. The only thing I will say is I miss you very much.

Oz is near. We are getting ready for the show, as far as we go, things are turning out pretty well. I kinda know things gonna be. Just having a little more faith in it. Somehow I would really find peace in Music. Or I should say I always blinded myself with music whatever I do not wanna feel. Somehow this is just part of self defence mechanism I guess. Just gotta learn how to let go a little. Lying here extremely tired, I guess I would call it a night early. Looking at the time it is not as early as I thought it would be.