I came across this article thing morning through Facebook. Somehow it was someone else's lost but a reflection of my own. There are so many things going through my mind. In ways, I thought to myself, that person in the article could be me. For all the reasons, I am thankful and grateful that I have quit it so far. I attached this article for your reading.
Well, this thing isn't really uncommon among us. So called "Chem Fun" is the culprit. But don't get me wrong, I am not trying to judge nor being an ass to this issue. I was once one of them. Being a hardcore drug addict not only once but twice in my life. From 16-19 and 26-27. I stray twice in my lifetime. Would there be a third? I really hope not. Those who knew me, I am a person who really go all out and screw myself over. The dosage that I have taken, it's crazy. Now being clean for 16 months, I have to say that what I have been feeling emotionally is really good. Being under the influence just never for a minute makes us think straight. I have lost control a few times and a clear mind really is nothing better than that. When I was under the influence, I always told myself it was ok. Key is to control over it. And I know I have mention this many times, that is also the key to fucked ourselves up.
Well, I wouldn't say that quitting is easy. But there are a lot that needed to give up. I gave up the circle of friends, put myself right and forced myself to renew everything in life. I wouldn't say all of them are bad or what, but not many left in my life now. The only ones that left here with me are those who knows to respect and without interfering the quitting process. And even after that, they weren't the ones that tempt me. Honestly speaking, till today, after I have stop, the crave is still here. And I know no matter how strong that mind could be, it will never work that way.
I know in many ways, we tend to give that excuses. Bad relationship, bad life, stressed and all that. I say it is all crap. I used that excuses before. And one day, we will run out of excuses. The thing is, I wanna say this for only once last time. I know you might be or you might not be reading. But I don't know. But I wanna say that what I feel for you. I know we haven't been seeing each other for a long time. And I know you have been having a bad patch the whole last year. And you know all I wanted is your happiness. You taught me how to love myself a little bit more. And the thought of you having using just kills me. I know you are not using it frequently. But what is the definition of all these frequencies? It meant nothing. What really meant to me is YOU.
I haven't been around you a lot when you needed. But I know you weren't this weak to begin with. And honestly, when I read this article, it just flashes my mind that it could be you. Our body is something we can't control the system that is running. No matter how we can control our mind, the body is not. One day, it will still gives in. And I won't forgive you if you were to go this way. I won't wish that you will rest in peace. Instead, I really hope you will never find peace. Call me evil, but I love you and care for you. You were the one that made me kept fighting on all these years. And this is the only thing I wouldn't accept at all. I wouldn't wanna see you go this way. Just not this way.
Well, to make things less gloomy here, I actually showed my bestie who is in Melbourne this article. Told her that somehow I am blessed to have her to support me and believed that if I could quit once, I can do so the second time. I am really no one without her. This bitch is one of a kind. And so after she read that article, she send me this picture instead. I love you for that bitch. You really made me feel everything is worth living for. And yes, I agree totally with that statement. I am really one. I miss you loads. Hope to see you when I am in Melbourne next month.