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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Being An Idiot

Well, at least I took the courage to admit I am one to someone tonight. A part of me just felt why do I even engaged on such thing. But sometimes, loneliness and desperation drives us do things that we never thought we have. But it didn't meant anything to begin with.

After talking to Mr Tan, I guess he always know how to put a smile on your face no matter how things are. And also not forgetting Soul for being there to hear me vent. Well, the least I know I am getting a white cake when I get back. A damn traditional white cake! I can still remember the taste of it when I had my first piece of white cake. Well, that isn't a story to tell this time.

I guess my besties are really far away from me and it makes it harder in many ways. One in Singapore, one in Sweden and another in Melbourne. It seems like when a sad song is ringing in my head, I even miss them even more. And coping with what I am going through now doesn't make it easy.

Anyway, when I was feeling all these going on, there goes my phone ringing at 1 in the morning. When I held it, to my surprise, You called. Of all the time when I miss you and here you are calling me. My heart stops when I listen to your voice. I knew somehow something wasn't right. But also a sense of relief. A few hundred miles away, when I hear that voice with that happiness in it. I knew that everything was right. Well, here I am, indulging what was left between both of us.

At one point to another. A part of me tells me it wasn't going to last. But a part of me wanted it to last. A conflict between the mind and heart. I feel like there is dark cloud hanging in my heart. But should I really? The more these question lingers, the more of an idiot I felt I am. Remembering the day before Valentine, is it just a dream? It felt perfect, but a little too perfect to be true and to begin with. Bu this has been lingering for years now.

Remembered when I was talking to my bestie MK before he return to Singapore, put everything out on the table. And when I did, as he expected, no responses. Sigh, To let go or to hold on. Oh well, things are always easier said than done. The more I couldn't deny what was right, the wrong seems nothing near to how I am feeling. But well, we are all human. We were born to feel everything we do. So, I am smiling to this. What will life be if without any of these emotions going on. And a big part of it is part of what I am fighting for every day. Anyway, I've been pretty weak these few days. My opt was being delayed again. Just hope to get it done and over it as soon as possible. Hanging this way isn't helping much to begin with.

Whatever things can be now isn't much of a choice of mine. Everything would be better. Thats all I am telling myself. Ricky, you have put on a good show, keep it going. Things will be better. I am proud of you.

2 comments:

  1. Speedy recover after the opt ya.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. THanks Chen Xing! I still haven't gone under. THey have been delaying it once more.. But thanks for extending your well wishes.. Really means a lot to me.

    ReplyDelete

 

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~