Tired of Being Sick

I am really tired of being sick. I hate myself why do I have to be this way?
Can't I just be as normal as everyone else?
I don't know why I am feeling so low now. Everything seems to be crashing down.
Of me being like this, I destroyed everything I had.
I really do not know why and what happen to me.
I really hate being this way. For the first time, I really tried so hard to be as positive as I can but I can't do it now.
Why does this have to happen to me? Why in the world I have to go through all this nonsense?
I am not blaming anyone. But I am blaming myself.
Why do I have to do this? Why did I feel so insecure when I have the world?
Why do I have to go through such pain when there are people who are living in this world who doesn't wanna live?
I wanna live for a long time. I wanna grow old with my baby.
I wanna hold him and look at the beach together.
How can I go through such pain? I wanna live oh God. I really do.
Please take away my pain. I wanna be healthy.
I wanna grow old with the one I love.

I really do not know why am I breaking down at the moment I need to be strong.
I look at Elmo, but I really don't know how am I going to get through this.
I feel so sorry inside. I feel so bad in the heart.
But all I can do is hide behind all this words. My family, my baby, my friends who cared,
still want me to live on. But I really do not know where should I go from here.
I feel helpless with the pain, I feel so miserable with my body.
All I want is just to have a decent meal. But I can't help it to puke everytime I do.
In that point of time, I feel like I wanted to eat it all back the food I have consume.
But I can't let myself do so. I am really suffering. But I blame no one as I know I created all this.
I miss you very much baby. I really do. All I wanted is to say sorry to you in person.
I really wish for forgiveness. I can't leave this world holding this regret.
But I can't do a thing to make it better. I am the one who hurt you.
I am the person who drove you far away.
I am the person who love you and brake your heart.
I am really sorry. I know I have to go on. But somehow deep inside there is part of me just wanted to give up.