Praying for A Miracle

Oh Lord, I have been praying real hard.
Have you hear my prayers?
I really hope that my prayers will be answered.

I haven't had the courage to text my baby regarding his dad.
I know as for now, you will still be really annoyed by me if I text you.
All I can do is praying really really hard for a miracle.

I had a good life my Lord. You gave me so many miracles.
I think I am being really blessed by you. But this time, I really hope you would help my baby's dad.
My baby is really a very wonderful person. Give him another shot to be reconnect with his dad.
Let his dad see what his son really is. I am not asking for anything more than this.

Regardless of me and my baby, I think I will be facing all the consequences.
I face the fact that I am different from all other lovers he had.
Maybe that is why he really had expectation in me. And I screwed up everything.
I love him with my life no doubt on that. But I think he just wanted some peace.
No matter what my life may be, I won't ask for more.
I have decided to face what is in still for me.
My life has always been a roller coaster ride. This is another loop that I am going through.

I won't be letting you go in any means. But I won't be expecting anything from you anymore.
Even one day your love will turn to hate on me. I accepted this. I am the person who hurt you at first.
Life ain't easy. Life ain't treating you good. I know. But this is life. Full with suffering.
I really hope you will see one day. Even life isn't easy for you.
But you are really blessed with the people around you.
Even cared and love you. You may not see this. But I am one of them who would do anything for you.
Even I am in no position to say a word. But my love to you stays true.

I am still suffering from my body as of now. But in many ways, I know your love is keeping me going.
I had another round of chemo today. But somehow this will be my last dosage for now.
As the doctor said my body can't take it anymore for now.
On my left arm I am having inflammation. I also have no idea why.
But with more and more visible symptoms, I know that my chances of seeing you equivalent to zero.

I know for now, I will not have any more chances to see you.
I know if you do, you will even have more and more heartache.
I choose to leave this time.
I will be in touch with you if I could. But I know I am not able to see you for now.

In many ways, I think this served me a good lesson.
Never think of the greater good when you needed your love one to walk you through this.
I started everything and I will have to face everything myself.
I have no grudge nor complaints.
I love you very much baby. More than you will know.
I will always be by your side no matter how.

God, by saying so, I really wish you would help my baby.
Help him to walk through all this. Let him feel the happiness that he use to have.
I really wish that I can bring him that. But I know he will only see more pain than ever.
I only James is well and happy.
I am doing fine myself. I know I have this blog to put all of my emotions out.
I will be perfectly fine. I really wish for you wellness. And Lord, Help his father.
I know for sure that would bring great joy to him. I really hope so.
I haven't had the courage to text him and ask.
But please my lord, Let me know through you that he is well.
I really hope so. I love my baby, I know you Love me my lord.
Love me and Love him for me. Help my baby.
That's all I ask for. Your compassion, your kindness and your miracle touch to bring his pain away.