The Show Must Go On

Leaving the hospital soon and leaving KL tomorrow morning,
I do not know what I am going to face from here.
I took up a big step forward. I put all my courage and text James.
I told him I will be leaving KL tomorrow morning. If he is not too tired and ready to meet me,
I wish to see him. In a way, I really think it is time for me to face reality.

I dare not even think nor expect anything now.
I just really wish to see him. Even thou he may hide up his emotions.
But I need to see him. For a longer journey to go on or even for the last time.
I think I have enough guilt to live with that this point in life.
I would really hope that I can control my emotions well.

I have taken a few chicken essenses and some coke to boost up my sugar level.
I just wanna look good as in healthy and happy for him.
Or maybe this is how I wanted him to remember me.
I should now remind myself. This is the least I owed him.
This is the least I can do for him. I should let him in peace, I should give hiim this very last wish he wants.

I had an offer of work today. As a Senior Portfolio Manager.
Offer was good. It is a wine industry. The funny thing is in so many ways I have met this sweet person.
I believe miracles do happen. Thank you Carl. I will be at my best.
You are such an angel. I never knew meeting you in the same ward would bring such joy to me.
My deepest gratitude to you. I hope you will be well soon too. At least we both have the same goal in life.
To live everyday with our heart.

Date of commercing of work will be confirmed. I will be working my ass off. Just 3 more months.
I will need to help my baby out on this. I appreciate what you have done for me in the past.
But I won't let the purpose of this goes into the drain.
I will keep the dream going on.

Emotional wise, I start to feel numb again. Do not know what is best and where is best to be.
In many ways, I haven't change much on my course in life.
I won't give up living. I won't give up life.
I won't give up on you. Even one day you moved on. But I will be here.
Like I have mention, I won't make the same mistakes I did last four years.

Looking back, Living on hope is much better than living a life meaninglessly.
I would do my very best, following the things I wanted to go on.
Fighting for the things which are worth fighting for.
The show in life will go on. And this time, I do not want centre stage or the spotlight.
All I wish is everything ends well. In anyway life may come by. This is my faith.

I love you very much and I am very sorry for everything I have done.
My faith and hope never change. My dreams and love stays on course.
I am sorry for the previous blog I have written. I didn't meant it.
Yes, I broke down in a way. It was somehow too much to handle at that point.
But being negative is the last I needed now. For my family, my baby, and people who cared about me.
I will have to live on. Loving you by all my own means.

The show must go on.
I will walk out the hospital today with my head tall just like Nicole Kidman walked out of the Moulin Rouge. With pride, with honor. For just one reason. For the people she love.
This is for the longer journey to come.