The Following Four Hours

If I say that my faith is not shaking I am lying.
But I am still here. I have another 4 hours left and I will leave Mcdonalds.
The answer is clear that you are clearly not coming.
Many would ask me why then I am still here waiting?
Because you are worth for me to wait.

This is nothing baby. For this, I waited because I wanna say sorry in person to you and my goodbyes.
But for your love. I will keep on waiting for you.Even it takes till the very last breath I have.
I told you I will wait for you for a life time and I will do so.

Baby, Please do not torture yourself anymore.
Let me bear the pain. I can handle much more than you think.
I rather hold on to your pain. Aat least I would be able to see you smile.
Clearly, I wanna prove to you that I am changing and I will still be here.
Even you say we are no longer are a couple. But to me, we are still married.

Baby.. we both are hurt here. I am to be blame.
But why are you keep running away from reality?
Why can't you face it that the fact I did hurt you and I am really sorry?
I know you had a lot of stress with the debts, family and friends and even me I dare say.

But somehow, even how much I needed you. I am still being strong for you.
Cause I know at this very moment you are really weak.
But I am also human made from flash and bones.
I know you are trying so hard to keep on standing there.
But I wasn't as strong as you think. I already collapse 2days ago.

I went to seek for help. Because somehow I know you needed strength.
But I am breaking too in the inside. On the outer side may just look strong.
As for now, I really wanted to just break down and keep on crying.
But I know I can't. I have to be stronger.

Baby, why wouldn't you wanna see me now?
To be honest, I will even get worst as time goes by.
Seeing me bald and skinny isn't a big deal. But as for now, I know you will never understand what I see.
Maybe like I said earlier. I am Eric but not your ex lover.
Maybe I really do not deserve any forgiveness from you.
Maybe I should just walked out from your life.
Maybe this would be better to you.
Even if the worst happen to me, you would just think that I had abandon you.
I rather you would think bad of me than knowingly I was somehow waiting at my death bed just to see the person I love one last time. Should I or should I not?

At this moment, I am really puzzled. I am somehow lost again somewhere.
God, if this would make my baby live a happier life,
I would do so. I would rather him thinking I am just a bastard who screwed up his life.
I would rather be like his ex lover, at least somehow,
even he doesn't love him anymore, he still would ask his friend to visit him and see how is he doing.
That kinda care that he had is ratherly warm.

But I think even that I am not deserve any bit of it.
My baby is lost in his own labyrith. Only he himself could walk out from it.
I really wish that when he is out from there, I am still here in this world to see him smile.
It will really means so much to me. Even I had to leave the world, I will leave without any regret.
Because I think at the end I did the right thing.

I love you James. Every second I have. I really do.

There is four more hours left and I am going off already.