Choose to Hide Behind Words

As much as I wanted to know your ongoings,
I know deep down you are trying not to think about me.
I know that all the pain I have put you through, I am in no position at all to even ask,
"Baby, how are you?"

Seeing you posting club hits, with words like "Fuck'em all"
I do not know what should I do or say.
Baby, I made a mistake in life. I know that it is unforgivable,
But my heart stays true to you.
The pain in my heart is nothing near to any of my physical pain.
And my pain is nothing near to yours.

Living with regrets in life, isn't that easy.
This goes to everyone out there.
I learned from my mistakes, I learned from my pain, I learned from causing you pain.
Everything will past... even me...

For now, I know I can't lose my battle with cancer.
If I have to go, you will even live with greater pain than ever.
This is not what and how I should repay for your love.
I will have to fight till the very end. Losing is not an option,
Because of a simple phrase,

"I love you baby"

To be with you is the best thing that have ever happen to me.
I guess this is the best way for you not to know my condition.
I owe you a life, I owe you peace...
This is what I can do. I will keep on blogging till the very end..
This is the only place I know you won't see what am I going through..

As for now, I feel like going through chemo and dialysis isn't anything anymore.
What is pain? Life is Suffering. No matter what, I DESERVE every bit I am going through now.
The only regret is, I hurt you in the way no one has ever done.
I am sorry~

"Live to love and Love to live"

I hope one day you will remember me as the "bitchy" husband you always had.
Baby, I will love you no matter what happens..
Every moment that I am suffering from the pain.
I accepted it as I created all this pain to myself~