Hope, Faith, Dreams and Love

This is the four elements that have builded up our relationship.
I may seemingly stupid at times. I broke your trust. I have hurt you.
In many ways, I am still hoping for one things.
Just to have a look at you.

I just finish my third chemo session.
And reflecting on what I wanted at this very first stage.
I am so stupid of even thinking of letting you go.
Going through this alone now seemingly alright but deep down,
Who really see the pain? Your pain? My pain?
Does it really matters now?

I have to get well, I have to go through this.
Cuz I know if I lost my bettle with cancer,
This time the pain that I have caused you will be really unforgivable.
But why am I still feeling so weak?

God, I need a way, would you show me?
I misses James more than ever?
I dare not even call him now as I know my voice would even stir up more harm to him listening to the person he loves suffers in pain.
I look at my phone from time to time,
Hoping for him to call but do I have the courage to answer?
The answer is NO~ Why am I at such contradicting point in life?

I wish that I would never hurt you in this way.
Yet I know it is impossible for me to take back what I have done.
Baby, I am really really sorry~
Besides this, I really do not know what else I can do to make it right.
I love you very much and as much as I needed you now,
I can understand what you are going through.
All I can do is waiting for you to see me in my eyes again~
To see that how sorry I am and wishing to make up everything to you.
To have you in my arms again and hold you tight and never hurt you ever again.
I am really really sorry for everything.
I will fight to live.. For you, For my family, For myself and for our future if you would permit me to love you again~ I really do~

For our Hope, Dream, Faith and Love~