I remembered the years when I was heavily on drugs and all. Yea yea, I always say that on recreational purpose only but fact is I am an addict. 20 months clean now and hope I would be able to keep this record up. Honestly, I still want it from time to time. It's not easy. It isn't something when you say no and it will go away. But that is besides the point.
Well, the term of bareback sex. Common, lets be as real as we can right here. Who doesn't love it?!?!? I love it. Skin over skin, that exciting point where how things were meant to be it's own way. Every thrust feeling each other's skin and the final climax of explosive urges that was building up. Well, I had my fair share of bareback sex. From lovers to even random sexual encounters in the past.
I realize one thing that is different. Maybe this only applies to me. When I did it without the rubber, maybe somehow I didn't really care much on what things are going to be. Or in other words, I was just lying to myself at that point that things that I do meant something to me when it actually doesn't. I grew up in a medical family environment. And still, I didn't care after baby J left me. I was a total mess. But even saying so, I have to admit, that period of my life, it was a total black out and filled with one of the best sex experienced I have ever had. Period. Do I feel good about it? Somehow yes. Do I miss it? Yes I do. Do I still wanted it? No I do not ever wanted that life again.
I have lost so many friends to all sorta reasons you can find. Some surviving, some has lost the battle. I really didn't see all of this coming when I was doing it. We all gone through bits and parts of life differently. But until we are really able to see the way it is suppose to be, we will never able to know what to cherish. I have friends who are still under the influence. Did I try to stop them? No.. Did I try to help them stop using? Yes.. But will it work? Seriously No.. I can't do anything. And somehow, all I can do is just be where I am seeing things happen again and again.
Some of my friends were asking me why am I obsessed with so many charity work. Well, if that effort can be convert into something that meant to someone, why not make the world a better place right? Well, back to the sex. So where was I? Oh.. Bareback sex. I am not saying that we have to change everything and make it right for what other think it is. But stand in that position that you are in. And ask yourself what if. I am still saying that it is good and I love having them. But with who is the question. And I guess we all will come to the same conclusion.
For what it is worth, living is a blessing and being alive is a gift. Don't throw that away just like that. We all love sex. If someone tells you that they don't, they are lying. But make it counts. When you have that someone who you feel its right to do that with, then there isn't anything to hold back from it. For all that is worth. I know it does.