But do you remember? I actually don't. That is sad isn't it? Maybe some may say that no, it's not. depends on how you look at it. Of course it's no right and wrong to this. To me, it always sounded neutral, and safe. But that ain't me.
When being asked, what would you wanna remember? I wonder what does that actually mean. Like something I forgot? But if I really forgotten, how would I know about it, or even have any desire to remember it. But if you could have a memory, real or not, what would it be?
A fake memory you may ask, it doesn't make any sense. But one thing I can be sure is, as a song writer, sometimes, we do tap into some emotions that were fantasies. It's a part of the creative process. Well, I'm not gonna talk about song writing tonight. Well, have you ever listen into a shell? They say, the sound of the ocean, captured in the shell. It's like a memory. Imagine it now with something different. Something more than just the sound, something just as real. What if we had a chance to remember the things that never actually happen?
Well, no one would believe it, but then, you believe it. That is all it takes to remember. It's about the feeling, that's what matters. The problem is, some people like their story base on reality, and some like fiction. It's really a contradicting feeling. But no one can deny it's nice to be able to control what happens.
There is some part of me, wanted the fictional part memory. Lemme just share this memory that I really wished it was real. This very memory that existed a long time that happened or happens. What would I wanna remember.
I was happy. For one obituary moment, I gathered the courage to let go of myself. I whispers to myself in that beautiful day light by the dock that I usually love to be when I am in Boston. Living in that moment, I was holding a pair of hands. I couldn't see who was it. But I knew, it was the person I will spend the remaining life with. I was happy.
Well, it's just a fiction. Some says that fiction could be reality. I never deny that and I do believe that. But the only thing I was skeptical with this memory was... I was healthy. I whisper to myself that how wonderful it is to live without this in my body. I could live a normal life. No more chemo, no more radiation therapy, no more 10-12 pills a day. No worries about how my tomorrow will be. But, I am still happy. Because, part of that memory is real. I am not alone. Breaking through pain is like losing life. But wasting life is just wasting away.
You will never have to do this alone. A friend I met when I was having my chemotherapy with had this conversation about fiction and reality. And I have to say, it helps. This simple little memory brings out the strength in you. Reach out, and don't be afraid of being weak. Because being weak actually makes you stronger. And dedicating this post to Marcus. He was the one bright light that helped me through all the difficult times. Even though he isn't here any more, but I will always remember what he told me.
Fiction can be reality. Believe it enough. Even I won't be here any more with you, don't you ever give up on living.