"I’m once told my family that I don’t want anyone pounding on my chest or putting tubes down my throat if I stop breathing. I just want to go naturally.”
It’s usually not the act of dying, but the quality of dying that’s the biggest concern at the end of life. Most people who come to accept dying as a natural and normal part of life do not want to prolong the process when it won’t really change the outcome. But thinking about a good death is not something most people do. Some people want to stay at home and have hospice care there. Others choose to go to an assisted living center, a nursing home, or an inpatient hospice program. Some are in the hospital and want any treatment available to keep them alive as long as possible, no matter what their condition might be. Again, you should make the choices that you feel are best for you, your family, and your situation.
The goal of any cancer care is to give you the best possible quality of life. This is a very personal issue. There are ways you can be sure that your family and your cancer care team know what’s important to you and what you want to be able to continue to do.
At this point think not only about how you are going to live the next few months or years, but also try to think about and prepare for how you’re going to die.
You may curse at whomever you want and blame all sorts of entities for your sickness and wish that someone else got the damned condition that you are now suffering, but the reality is you have to face up to what has now become your life and you may need to revalue a whole lot of things. Things like how you go about your daily activities and how it is necessary for you to make sure that you would have a longer life than the complication would initially give you.
You may also have to let your vanity go, especially if you have qualms about losing your hair to chemotherapy or getting scars that may not really look well when you go to the beach if you undergo a surgical procedure to have the tumor ailing you removed. If you look good but you're going to die in the process then that is your choice and no one will begrudge you for it. It is, after all, your bed and you will have to lie in it yourself. However, if you want a shot at living and if it means that you have given up aesthetic beauty to do it, would you rather live without hair then die with your gorgeous hair. Meds that make you bloat. Up to 70% of your initial weight. But it could drastically drop within days. You will always be in that position where you always see yourself and hating what you are going through. But could we really let go of vanity? Truly letting it all go?
You see, it all comes down to what you want most in life. A thing like this radically changes a person's life. It turns all of their plans inside out and throws a really big monkey wrench in the whole thing. In the event that you do get it all out of your system, you might suddenly find yourself in the midst of a relapse of the disease.
Well, I am not saying this is the worst thing that can ever happen to someone. But base line is I have seen far more worst than mine. Why am I writing all these? Cause somehow I am forcing myself to face facts that I am running away from. Somewhat glad you flew in to be with me again. But practically, I am starting to feel that the wave of emotion tsunami is coming somehow. I am just trying to get myself ready. But how long have it been now? Years and years, and still, accepting this is always something I am running away from. But the least I know for now, I don't have to do it alone.
There is one strong thing I believe that I have to say here. To all the surviving ones and those who are still fighting with cancer. There is one thing I've learn in years is that death isn't a thing we human can make that decision for. Yes no doubt there will come to a time when your doctor will tell you how much time you may left. But one thing I learn from it is they are human. They are predicting what will happen and prepare you for what is going to come. But do remember this
Live your life they way you wanted and don't give in a second to what those words are. They are not the one who will tell you when you will die. As a survivor all these years, one thing I learned is life is something worth living and worth fighting for. When your time is up, there is only one person who can make that call. And we all know who.There will always be your up cheery day, and there will be the gloomy once. But everything will rise, and it will eventually past. Don't let anything define what life is about for you. Define your own path, and walk your life the way you want it to be.
Before I end this Live Today With My All Series, I really wanna say this, without the cancer team and family at ACS, my family member, my love ones, I would never take this step to finish up this. No doubt it is hard, but it is something worth fighting for. Don't give in to cancer. Stand tall and tell the world you are a survivor. You guys were my inspiration and strength all these while. I really hope you will not give up fighting too. And to all the ones that kept me company through out my journey, thank you. (You know who you are) With all these support and love, I know I wouldn't need my mask anymore.