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Saturday, October 6, 2012

Do You Remember.

I know I have been avoiding from writing anything I feel these few days. Has been just on the surface of everything. Somehow I just needed to let it out. It's killing me inside everyday. Imma not getting any better. It isn't that I didn't want to. But everything seems so hard to reach. Some old memories rolled in and I am just out of energy to keep being positive. I really tried really really hard. But I can't. At least for now I know I couldn't.

Imma trying to find ways to keep myself back on the positivity train. Listening to Glee's cover of Coldplay's The Scientist, I was feeling somehow peaceful in many ways. I love Coldplay's version more but Glee's arrangement is way better. I somehow had flash back of some really old memories. Remembered the night that I sat on the bathroom floor while you were asleep. Weeping in the dark and didn't want you to know I was devastated. Knowing it was the last night we have ever spent together. It wasn't that painful anymore. But I still feel a little sting in it.

My emotions is every where now. I don't really know it was the meds or I am just a train wreak at the moment. In many ways, I want the pain to go away. The pain killers aren't helping. And whenever my family visits, I am just so tired to put on that smile. I really wish I could let them know it has been so long and I am really tired for holding on. I know that is not an option at all. But I just need to vent in a way.

Getting ready for the next dosage of chemo, I really am hoping for just a few days without any physical pain. I really miss Mr D really a lot. But he is now having so much on is plate. I saw that he tweeted he is gonna go clubbing last night. But I know he needed to balance himself outta all the stress he is having. Imma lying if I didn't say I am dead worried about him. He is also on meds and I couldn't help stop worrying about anything that might happen. But all is well, turn out well for him I suppose. But seeing him in this state, I just couldn't do anything to put on more on his shoulder.

Talking to Andrew? I don't even know where to start. Sigh. I really wanna say stop to all the slump Imma going through this much! But I am giving in to the physical pain. I really got no idea what else I could do. The only good thing is I finished up 12 songs. Sigh.. It couldn't be easier. But how would I do that? I can't give in just like that. Imma tired, but this isn't gonna be fair to my family. I am somewhat just lost in the mist of my own.

4 comments:

  1. First got to know about this song when reading the 2nd book of 50 shades trilogy.

    Then got hooked to it, and now Glee covering it.

    Love that song.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is really beautiful song. Sigh.. I wish I could honor what the meaning of the song. I really feel so helpless..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Blog is always the place for express and vent your feelings =)

    Love thsi song covering by glee so much. Really found some peaceful from it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hope it could help.. Jus felt like being trapped all the time..

    ReplyDelete

 

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~