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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Tired of Being Sick

I am really tired of being sick. I hate myself why do I have to be this way?
Can't I just be as normal as everyone else?
I don't know why I am feeling so low now. Everything seems to be crashing down.
Of me being like this, I destroyed everything I had.
I really do not know why and what happen to me.
I really hate being this way. For the first time, I really tried so hard to be as positive as I can but I can't do it now.
Why does this have to happen to me? Why in the world I have to go through all this nonsense?
I am not blaming anyone. But I am blaming myself.
Why do I have to do this? Why did I feel so insecure when I have the world?
Why do I have to go through such pain when there are people who are living in this world who doesn't wanna live?
I wanna live for a long time. I wanna grow old with my baby.
I wanna hold him and look at the beach together.
How can I go through such pain? I wanna live oh God. I really do.
Please take away my pain. I wanna be healthy.
I wanna grow old with the one I love.

I really do not know why am I breaking down at the moment I need to be strong.
I look at Elmo, but I really don't know how am I going to get through this.
I feel so sorry inside. I feel so bad in the heart.
But all I can do is hide behind all this words. My family, my baby, my friends who cared,
still want me to live on. But I really do not know where should I go from here.
I feel helpless with the pain, I feel so miserable with my body.
All I want is just to have a decent meal. But I can't help it to puke everytime I do.
In that point of time, I feel like I wanted to eat it all back the food I have consume.
But I can't let myself do so. I am really suffering. But I blame no one as I know I created all this.
I miss you very much baby. I really do. All I wanted is to say sorry to you in person.
I really wish for forgiveness. I can't leave this world holding this regret.
But I can't do a thing to make it better. I am the one who hurt you.
I am the person who drove you far away.
I am the person who love you and brake your heart.
I am really sorry. I know I have to go on. But somehow deep inside there is part of me just wanted to give up.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~