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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Life is Uncertain

My parent always tell me this.
Life is Uncertain, Death is Certain
I relate everything that is happening around us now.
I can really see what does all this mean now.

My baby text me at 10.31pm

My dad in icu. Bleeding from stomach. Now stable d. I'm ok. Dun worry.

How can I not be worried? You are so weak now. You can break anytime just like a thin layer of glass putting by the edge of the table.
You have told me before last time.
Baby, you are very versatile. When I am really weak and soft, you will be as hard as a rock keeping me balance. When I am strong and dominant, you became like a sponge, absorbing my boldness and yet keeping me balance again. I love you very much for always being there baby.

Thinking of what you said, I wanna be as strong as I can now. But my body doesn't permits me to this time.
I really wish that I am there now with you. I know you needed me this moment that is why you text me.
But you know yourself still can't accept what had happen between us. That is why you don't want me to worry.

Baby, no matter what, I want you to know that I am always there for you.
I love you for who you are. I am always standing where we left off. Just waiting for you whenever you need me. No matter what you think of my status will be, I will be there. I know where I stand and what I wanna do. I will always be married to you till you finalize what is best for us.

But lying in the hospital myself, I really wish I would just get up and rush to KL to be with you.
I know that you wanna be alone now but inside you needed someone to be there with you.
I really wish I could. I even fight over with my parent regarding this. But in every way, dad is right. I am not fit to drive alone down to KL. I have to stay where I am.

Reflecting on this. For me to love you, I should not endanger myself to drive down.
I should stay where I am and get well as soon as possible.
Suddenly it is like I've been strike by a lightning. Will I be able to get well?
Will I be able to fully recover? I've been praying very hard and this is the only wish I had.
Looking out the dark window from my ward, I am really thinking.

"Lord, if you can't cure me, please cure James dad. Make him well again.
My baby is now under a lot of stress. Take 10 years of my life and help his old man.
He really needs to be well. My baby loves him very much even though my baby always says they can't communicate. I know how my baby wants to be close to his dad. Just that ways of both of them can't really fit in. Lord, I really meant it. Take part of my life and help him. Give my baby another chance to be close to the one he love most. I had a wonderful time with him. I will not regret this. Please lord, help him. Be his rock. He is really lost. Show him the way. Show him a better place to be."

I was really hoping for his wellness. That is all I wanted now.
I know no matter where will I be, I will always be by his side.
Just as faithful as Elmo has been to me.
I just text him about this. I told him Cookie Monster will always be with him.

I know what I will have to do. I have to really get well and be strong in so many ways.
My baby really needs the support. And I will be there for him. Forever and always.
I just want you to know, I love you baby. Please stop hurting yourself.
I will quietly deal with my own now. Nothing will I want from you besides you being well.

I will never stop loving you. This is certain.
Even death is certain, nothing can change my love for you.

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~