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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Cont : Final 12 of Being 30

It isn't easy at all to really wanna get out from a state of mind to another. But gradually when the pain subsided, it is easier to move on from there. There are some point when you realize the superficial part of how we feel will just dies away.

One thing really funny happen earlier in the afternoon. I guess he didn't even know what happen in some way. The usual FaceTime session with Leo. I guess all I can remember was he told me he was gonna go cook dinner and just told me to wait there in some way. I am not sure if he realize that, but I guess when the meds was in full force, I was so drozy and all. I remember little bits and pieces and I was talking. But the thing I wasn't sure was did I actually talked to him or I was hallucinating.

When I gain conscious was when I asked him how long did he took to cook dinner. I have no idea how on earth that he was with cloths at one point talking to me and the next, he was sitting there eating his curry for dinner. That blank out was just somehow made me kept thinking is this how actually is like when me and Zombie was talking in the middle of the night.

Somewhat it is kinda hilarious and it made things much easier to forget. The growing physical pain was just a mere feeling I experience on and off with the position I was in.
Sometimes, things would really gets better if we are patient enough. And being human, we tend to wanna get it over with now and then. It is really funny when we think of it. From a emotional state we are in, it will just eventually dies off. But how it did, we don't really see the importance in that.

Anyhow, the first day of being 30 is just a little crazy for me. It is like going on a roller coaster ride but with the height of the One World Trade Center downtown New York. It really is something really interesting. And if there is any wish I wanted for being in my 30s, it will be appreciative on the small little things that happens around me. I have been careless and I have been not cherishing all those moments till it was gone.

2 years ago, it was just you and me sitting in front of the esplanade in Singapore. After so many years, of missing out in each other's life. We see what we have lost, and we see what life has thrown to us. But at that time, we didn't know what will be there for us. I guess all I could remember was it was my birthday and you were the first to wish me at the strike of midnight. And now, 2 years later, we have grown so much, the long way we have walked through. The moments of knowing what was meant just for us, the support, the faith, the care, the love and the wanting to just be there for each other has out grown us. Nothing in the world really matters. You are my family and only you that matters. As the remaining 12 hours of my first day being 30, I really wish that you would be here in New York right now.

And speaking of this, I suddenly have an image of Leo waving at me saying that he was there with me on my birthday. And I am wondering is this real or I was hallucinating again while he was cooking dinner. Oh my, this memory thing is getting funnier and funnier as I try to remember. Well, I wonder what is his reaction will be when he reads this.

Well, like Candice told me, it is how we wanna be in control with life. And I guess I can finally see what really lies in front for me to go through my next decade. Glad to be 30 finally. 


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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~