The first 12 of Being 30

Lying here in the morning, it made me realize somehow the things that I thought wasn't important suddenly seems to matter to me. Weird much?!?! I don't really know. Maybe I just wanna blame it on a rough night somehow. 

It didn't really seems to matter at first, but when times fold itself in front of me, all I could think off is why am I even doing this. For every reason that I wanted for it to happen, and yet I am thousand of miles away. 

I am thankful don't get me wrong. For every single soul that try to make this birthday a memorable one. And it is one of a hell of celebration here. Overwhelmed with all the wishes, and I appreciate to all that have taken the time to do so. I am really touched. 

It is barely 12 hours into my 30s and here I am wondering all about the little things. Well, maybe this is how humans are. Or am I starting to ask too much? 

I wanted more, I wanted a wish that could never come true. I wanted a life where it is just a mere dream to me. Yes, I fantasize about it every single day. Without the pain, without the doubts you have, without the uncertainty of things could be. 

Maybe for now, I just need to take a beat. I needed to stop. I needed a breather. I just needed you. I needed a total cure. I needed to be normal. I needed to be just me. Blame it on the cold winter morning, or even me 'men'strating or whatever you wanna call it. I didn't really like how I am feeling at this moment. And I just wanted to just let go. 2 more hours I told myself. 2 more hours and all of these needs to go.