Please don't get me all wrong here. So far, everything has been really kind and smooth for me. It is just that now I am back to work, I just have to relive the bits and parcels of my past. Maybe some sorta outlet to balance back to where I am.
After Human, I haven't really done anything much. And now, cutting some tracks for the future records to come. This particular track that I am working on just kept pushing me back to a moment where things were just messy. - Where I Would Be.
There is a part of my life, where it is just in a place that no one I really talked a about to. Usually at this point on producing the track, it should be "healing" in a way. I usually write random stuff, and those were usually painful. Then I will pass it to the lyricist. While doing the mixing and recording part, it is like reliving but in a very therapeutic way. But I got no idea why is it any different this time round.
Being alone here at the top of the building, lighting my cigarette, I am just taking that moment in. The light snow that falls and the view of the city. Things were really different right here. People changes, and people just walked pass us every single day. We question the part where how do we even fit in. I really don't have the answers sometimes.
I am glad I have a hand full of really great people that I love and care about. They were always there and supported me in every way possible. But there are times I question the part where I try to fit in some other way that I don't belong. Not to sound mellow dramatic, but I guess it is just part of being human.
I remembered this sentence.
I am lonely, but I am okay.
No names mentioned, but it actually reminds me about what life can be. There are so much inspiration to draw from, and there are so much more we can make things better. But there will always be a part of us that would be lonely in some way or another. I am loved and don't get me wrong, it is just a part of what life is.
In a way, this beautiful winter essence does bring out the cold side of a human life could offer. It is painful, yet so beautiful. The "what if" will arise, and it would just bring down a tear to the check on our face. I am missing you very much right now, and there isn't much I could do to make it better. Besides being patient, and counting the days padding by till I see you again.