So, taking off the Live Today With My All series, just wanna get my head clear before continuing writing on my journey fighting with the devil. Well, I have to say, some good days seems to be shorter than it usually is. But hey, in other words, I am doing perfectly well. So far, I guess the only person I told about how I really am is Leo. Somehow, his final exams gave him some info that help me through times like this. And by saying so, it doesn't mean I am not fine. I am just perfectly me right now. :)
Anyway, some has been asking me how does my latest edition of my ink looks like. So after these few weeks of healing, I guess it is finally setting in. So, here you guys go. Well, it is just something to remind me on my whole journey in life. I love how it turn out to be. And I have to say, I think I already knew how my 7th ink will look like and where I want it to be.
But this 6th really meant a lot to me.
Anyway, feeling a little melancholy now just reading through all the emails from what people were sending me. Somehow I kinda feel that when things gets tough, it really does bring out the beauty of that spirit to keep fighting. Somehow, it helps me a lot to pull me through times like this. Anyway, not gonna talk about that here, should leave that on my series instead. So, since I was feeling this way, somehow, looking back at times in the past. From just a music loving freak, turning into a player to a marching band geek. From a studious student to a complete wreak. From a healthy boy into a man who fights for tomorrow. From a complete "cigarette hater:" to a total drug addict. And from an addict to a clean recovery patient. From a loving husband to a lying slutty cheater. From having everything to nothing. A high family valued person to a complete mess in life.
This is my transformation through out my 29 years of living. By reading what I listed out just seems so unbelievable. Not in a good way. But somehow, it is just the way I am. It doesn't have to be something to anyone cause what it really meant is just to me alone. But after all these transformation that life has put me through, somehow, I still doubt it sometimes if I were to be that better man I wanted to be. I have to say, it is easy to fall off the wagon, but it ain't gonna be easy to climb back on the horse. When I quit drugs the first time, I told myself there will never be the second time. But years later, with just one little trigger, there I was, being an addict again. And till today, 22 months being clean and still counting.
My point is, every transformation in life marks that how we evolve in life. From small little things to drastic leap of faith. Sometimes, we kept giving ourselves that benefit of the doubt. But I have to say, it always fails. For me at least. Even in a relationship, I always thought that I wanted that kinda epic love. But when I had it, I just screw it up, not once, but on many occasions till Baby J left. Even now, I really wonder if I've learned from what I have done in the past. So far, I am still containing that wild beast within. But I do have my doubts that will it ever be enough.
Sometimes, this question makes you face the fact that if how we have been doing is right or wrong. A matter of fact, there will never be one right or wrong answer. Somehow, something right for me may not be right for another. So, things will just fall back into where everything started. So my only question for myself is, everyone has been through a sorta transformation in their life. But how would it really impact us at some point. And sometimes, believe me, the things we say we want, aren't always the things we wanted it to be.
Well, one thing for sure is do not blog when you are highly dosed with meds. I am kinda literally laughing out loud myself with the next thing I am gonna say.
But this 6th really meant a lot to me.
Anyway, feeling a little melancholy now just reading through all the emails from what people were sending me. Somehow I kinda feel that when things gets tough, it really does bring out the beauty of that spirit to keep fighting. Somehow, it helps me a lot to pull me through times like this. Anyway, not gonna talk about that here, should leave that on my series instead. So, since I was feeling this way, somehow, looking back at times in the past. From just a music loving freak, turning into a player to a marching band geek. From a studious student to a complete wreak. From a healthy boy into a man who fights for tomorrow. From a complete "cigarette hater:" to a total drug addict. And from an addict to a clean recovery patient. From a loving husband to a lying slutty cheater. From having everything to nothing. A high family valued person to a complete mess in life.
This is my transformation through out my 29 years of living. By reading what I listed out just seems so unbelievable. Not in a good way. But somehow, it is just the way I am. It doesn't have to be something to anyone cause what it really meant is just to me alone. But after all these transformation that life has put me through, somehow, I still doubt it sometimes if I were to be that better man I wanted to be. I have to say, it is easy to fall off the wagon, but it ain't gonna be easy to climb back on the horse. When I quit drugs the first time, I told myself there will never be the second time. But years later, with just one little trigger, there I was, being an addict again. And till today, 22 months being clean and still counting.My point is, every transformation in life marks that how we evolve in life. From small little things to drastic leap of faith. Sometimes, we kept giving ourselves that benefit of the doubt. But I have to say, it always fails. For me at least. Even in a relationship, I always thought that I wanted that kinda epic love. But when I had it, I just screw it up, not once, but on many occasions till Baby J left. Even now, I really wonder if I've learned from what I have done in the past. So far, I am still containing that wild beast within. But I do have my doubts that will it ever be enough.
Sometimes, this question makes you face the fact that if how we have been doing is right or wrong. A matter of fact, there will never be one right or wrong answer. Somehow, something right for me may not be right for another. So, things will just fall back into where everything started. So my only question for myself is, everyone has been through a sorta transformation in their life. But how would it really impact us at some point. And sometimes, believe me, the things we say we want, aren't always the things we wanted it to be.
Well, one thing for sure is do not blog when you are highly dosed with meds. I am kinda literally laughing out loud myself with the next thing I am gonna say.
POWER RANGERS!!!Hahaha... wondering why? All I can say is ask Leo! He came up with this. Till then.. Sorry for letting you guys reading crap!
.JPG)
0 comments:
Post a Comment