Prologue : Live Today With My All

On Sunday evening, I had a very hard, extremely painful conversation with my 3 best friends. First the first time, I realized the true extent of how my diagnosis has affected them and how much pain they’re in. We spoke about words are how little they mean in the grand scheme of things. It tore me apart to realize how difficult it is for them to see me like this and hear me say, everyday, that I’m okay even I’m not. I realized that in trying to protect them from this, I’m actually making it more difficult. It was tough!

This morning, I heard a song by one of my favorite artists, Brandi Carlile. Although I've listened to this song a million times, it has never had as much meaning and it never touched home quite like it did today. After the weekend’s conversation, the lyrics cut like razors. The song’s called Again Today. These are the lyrics…

Broken sticks and broken stones

Will turn to dust just like our bones

Its words that hurt the most now isn’t it

Are you sad inside, are you home alone

If I could just pick up the phone

Maybe you can see a better day

and you won’t waste away under my watchful eye

Because I’m your hero and you’re my weakness

who’s gonna break my fall when the spinning starts

The colours bleed together and fade

Was it ever there at all or have I lost my way

The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today

I’m broken down, not good enough

The broken promises add up

To twice their weight in tears which I have caused

Until I’m afraid to sink, I’m afraid to swim

I’m sad to say, I miss my friends

I know that I’m supposed to step away

but they need me to stay and keep a watchful eye

On all my heroes and all their demons

But who’s gonna break my fall when the spinning starts

The colours bleed together and fade

Was it ever there at all and have I lost my way

The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today

Not today, not today

Was it ever there at all or have I lost my way

The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today

Oh, broken sticks and broken stones

Will turn to dust just like our bones again today

I am broken down not good enough

The broken promises add up again today, 

Was it ever there at all and have I lost my way

The path of least resistance

Is catching up with me again today, again today

I am so blessed to have my big 3, my “mines”, in my life and I am unbelievably grateful for every moment with them. They truly are my heroes and I need to be here to watch over them.

The strangest thing about this journey is the discovery. Every day I learn something new about myself, about the world and about life. I find new limitations and new challenges, I find strength and inspiration somewhere unexpected and most importantly, I realize that even though my life has changed dramatically, and I’ve had to make some pretty drastic changes to my lifestyle, I am still me, I am still Eric. It’s so important that all the people in my life, especially my angelic friends, remember that. No matter what happens now, no matter where this journey leads, I am, and will always be Eric.

I draw my strength, my courage and my inspiration from the people around me and I am amazed everyday at how lucky I am to have so much support. One thing you need to realize, no matter what journey you’re on, is that you cannot walk alone! No matter how, tough, stubborn or independent you are, you need that support. Take it, use it and be thankful for it! Trust me,  you will be amazed to see how many people will hold you up when you cannot stand.

I should have a new ‘medical’ update for you tomorrow, but as of today, I’m feeling good. There is quite a bit of pain and I’m struggling with fatigue but, I am still here, I am strong and as of today, cancer has not beaten me.

I must tell y'all, once again, how much I appreciate all your emails you guys sent me. It really does help to hear from you. The point of this blog is to, above all else, inspire and it means the world to me to have your feedback. If this blog inspires you, let me know, if you think it could inspire someone else, send it on. The more people who see this, the more likely it is to help someone. If you have any questions, Please feel free to ask. I would be honored to take part in your journey as you are in mine, so, talk to me… no matter what journey you’re on, I’d like to walk with you.

Thank you for holding me up when I cannot stand, thank you for inspiring me and most of all, thank you for taking this journey with me. As long as you’re walking with me, I know I will never walk alone.

Wishing you all the most awesome week.

Live Today With My All.