A Way To Go From Here

There are a million reasons now for me to feel excited and happy. For some reasons, it doesn't seems working. Not that I am not happy with life. Just that I am pretty neutral to everything that happens around me. 2013 has been kind to me in many ways. For all the reasons that I wanted it to be. Just didn't seems to make me jumping up and down. I had my work laid out till 2015 so far. So many good things happening around me but not that I didn't wanna be grateful, I am.. Just, didn't felt as excited and happy as I anticipated it to be. 

Laying here on my bed, I think about what went wrong. But there ain't anything wrong to begin with. Maybe I am just in a place where a sense of peacefulness prevails in ways. Few  more months to my dateline on the songs for Cow's 6th studio album. And honestly, nothing came out so far. And the weird part is I am not afraid I couldn't deliver that on time cause I know it will be there sooner or later. A good thing? Hahaha.. I wish I knew too. Taking a step back thinking of all the good things that happens around me than just the pain in life. I have signed my citizenship application (Still having second thought if giving up my current citizenship is a good choice to make), I had gotten my certification from the academy, even I wish I had the trophy instead. (I know, dream on right!), had gotten my first frame from the company. What more I could ask for right?

I was just thinking, what else I could do to find myself. But there wasn't any finding needed when I am not lost to begin with. 2012 was a little rough but 2013 was a sailing year for me. (So far it has been) So now it comes back to the point where I ask myself what is missing. Well, we all know one little thing is but it isn't something I could do about right now anyway. I miss Rainer, Mr G and Andrew a lot. Sometimes, I wished we all had more time to spend together. But we are what we are right? 

I don't know, maybe I am just at a crossroads just wanting to know where do I go from here. Maybe it is a little too much to ask for right now. Life is always a beautiful mystery. We will never able to know what or where it might leads us next. The more I need to know, there more I will never know where I am heading to. But there is just one little thing I wanted, a little something to feel for me to express in my music. I just need a little whisper to know where I am going. I just need to be back into that world where I can be free in my music again.